The Fish

My new fish seems to think that he is an eel or something. Most times, I see him dragging his tail at the bottom of the beautiful fishbowl; left to right and right to left. Somehow, no amount of food seems to be able to entice the stupid fish to swim up to the surface.

Like any self-respecting mother, I gave him a few lashing of my own…. “Swim up to the surface, you lazy bum!” and “You better work those fins!”

Suddenly, my frustration grew into fear and concern.

I thought to myself. “Could the fish actually be crippled? Or struck with some life-threatening disease?” But I guess, as long as he doesn’t swim sideways, it should be fine.

I could only pray that, maybe, it is a case of performance anxiety playing tricks. You know how some guys are in a new environment – shy and not able to display their prowess.

For now, I guess, he just likes to play the role of a slimy eel.

Guys, sometimes, you just cannot figure out what they are thinking of.

My Secret Garden

You are always that mildly shy and quiet guy that I knew. Your gaze never once stayed too long on me, always turning away whenever I caught your glance. And when I talked to you, you would always smile, listen attentively and reply back with those often, lost and irrelevant topics. Your feeble yet so sincere attempt at engaging a conversation with me never fails to bring a light smile in my heart. It lifted my weariness at the end of the day. In a world of harshness, you were the only comfort I can ever find. Every day, I long to rush back home right into the safety of your arms.

But I will never tell you how much you mean to me. I am afraid once I do, you will see the truth in how much I need you more than you need me. You will see me in a different light and treat me in disgust. You see, in my secret garden, it’s a place where our hearts will never harden, a rose without a thorn, a lover without scorn…………..

(Lets sing together now)
In my secret garden, I'm looking for the perfect flower
Waiting for my finest hour
In my secret garden, I still believe after all
I still believe and I fall
You plant the seed and I'll watch it grow
I wonder when I'll start to show
I wonder if I'll ever know
Where my place is
Where my face is
I know it's in here somewhere
I just wish I knew the color of my hair
I know the answer's hiding somewhere
In my secret garden, there's

A petal that isn't torn
A heart that will not harden
A place that I can be born
In my secret garden
A rose without a thorn
A lover without scorn

If I wait for the rain to kiss me and undress me
Will I look like a fool, wet and a mess
Will I still be thirsty
Will I pass the test
And if I look for the rainbow, will I see it
Or will it pass right by
'Cause I'm not supposed to see
'Cause the blind are never free
Even at my secret garden
There's a chance that I could harden
That's why I'll keep on looking, for


I still believe, I still believe
'Cause after all is said and done
I'm still alive
And the boots have come and trampled on me
And I'm still alive
'Cause the sun has kissed me, and caressed me
And I'm strong, and there's a chance
That I will grow, this I know
So I'm still looking for

Somewhere in fountain blue
Lies my secret garden

Madonna

Welcome Back

Like a true blue celebrity, she touches down at the airport in the still of the night, quietly away from the media glare. I can imagine The Queen strutting down gracefully across the terminal in her dark oversized shades (yes, even in the night she needs them on) and hopped immediately onto the cab.

Along the way home, The Queen, passes by some very familiar places as she looks out of her cab window. Years away from home now, she finds herself remembering fondly of these places and faces as her memory flashes back.

But The Queen knew things are not the same as she looks at her homeland through the eyes of an outsider now; this is a place so familiar yet so foreign to her.

She has finally arrives back home to her family and long-timed friends….. with a bittersweet warmth in her heart.

Welcome back home, Ms Queen, even if only for a short while………..

Yours Sincerely,
P. Princess

Work Right, Ladies!

Single Women should never work late.....

The plastic princess sometimes wonder why single women of today are working extremely hard, often clocking in hours way into the twilight zone... Isnt it a vicious cycle that they find themselves in???

No men, Work.... All Work, No men.

SIngle and Available women of today should just snapped out of it...... The princess feels that they really need a good wake-up slap in the face.... After all, there can only be that many single good guys out in the sea. If you dun make time for them, how can you expect them to jump out of the sea for you.... In the end, they will eventually end up as someone else's dish of the day.

(that is why good & eligible guys always end up with ladies with no career to speak of or rich gal that doesnt need to work)

And there are only 2 things that will quickened the aging effect of humans..... Time and Work....

So, as a fellow single and available woman too, the plastic princess sincerely urge all similarly fated women to stop all OTs and start looking......

After all, there is so much more to life than work, work, work!

The princess herself has committed to a one-month sabbatical leave from work to go into full time man-hunting so as to prove her valid point!!! Setting a blazing example to all fellow single and desirable and charming sistas......

Celebrity Writer - Ms VP

(Reluctantly, Plastic Princess allows Ms VP's work of vulgarity and low brow humor to be published w/o edits and censorship.)


This is specially for those who reads the plastic princess blog and for those who know me… Yes, this is the Vulgar Peencess. The vulgar Peencess who used to provide so much entertainment to every one, the vulgar peencess who used to give nicknames to all those in the Royal family and the vulgar peencess who scripted the classic “The rape of Fairy He by the Seven Deities”. Indeed, she is back… as a celebrity writer for the plastic princess.

First of all, gotta say that I’m real glad that we had the little gathering on plastic princess birthday, really brought back some fond memories of the silly
times that we used to have. Thanks to Mr J for providing the inspirational idea of his Techno-j website that we are all so looking forward to. I am definitely anticipating to see the segment of Mr J in his birthday suit and his techno toys that vibrates. I am sure the website would be a big hit with all the Techno geeks.

Next, on to my life recently. Everything is fine and ok. The vulgar peencess is happily attached with a new job that allows me to see the world. What more could I ask for? Well, perhaps for more interesting and less bitchy colleagues. Just can’t seemed to be entertained by my new colleagues as much as my ex colleagues.
Perhaps they do not speak on the same wavelength as my previous colleagues. After being in the company for a good 5 months, I have yet to hear a single 4 letter
words coming out from anyone’s mouth. Maybe that’s why I feel so suppressed. I can’t throw out the CB, LJ and F word as much as I did previously. What’s more, I have 2 bosses that are constantly fighting with each other and often get me involved in their mindless political game. Sometimes, I just wish that 1 day I will climb above the 2 of them and change the culture of this place to one that is more acceptable of vulgarities and to one that I will feel more at home with. But all I can do now is to silently murmur the CB, LJ and F words under my breath whenever I feel shitty.

I guess the one that suffers the most after changing to this new job is my prince. He has to listen to all my CB’s story recently cos there’s no where else to allow my creative vulgar mind to wonder except when I am with him. Just an example of a story that happened just yesterday (FYI, Prince is learning to cook in acooking school now):

Prince: I was serving food today to a customer and the customer complained that the food was not hot. So had to change the food for her.

VP: If I were you, I wouldn’t bother to change, I will just tell her to open her legs and put the food into her CB cos that’s where it‘s warm enough to heat up her food. As Madonna sings: “Go down, where it’s warm inside. Go down, where I cannot hide. Go down, that’s where all life begins. Go down, that’s where my love is”

Well, guess that’s quite a lot for my first attempt as a celebrity writer. So much for now. Ciao!

One Hot Princess

The weather is getting so erratic and extreme in recent years that the princess wonders if Earth is really going to crumble and collapse anytime soon, just like the princess, underneath today’s hot scorching sun.

The princess cannot help but swear every 5 minutes along her way to lunch this afternoon as the heat is making the princess lose her ladylike patience. While cursing silently on world deforestation, drilling of oilfields, gas emission and the endless greed of mankind which will result in all of us dying from skin cancer eventually, the princess finally reach the luncheon destination.

After a mere 15 minutes walk under this sun, the princess was uncontrollably transformed into a cranky old witch with venomous tongue. She lashes out at the tardy waiters for their poor service as they brought out the chicken injected with disgusting growth hormones. She curtly stops her friends’ silly comments with her razor-sharp slit-throat retorts.

Nothing escapes her wrath until she finally cooled down under the breeze of the air conditioning (which is, by the way, contributing to global warming as well). With a cool- leveled head, the princess realizes it feels good once in a while to just lash out at hapless victims.

She wonders why she has not done more of these before.

The Devil Wears Prada

Watching Anne Hatheway in The Devil Wears Prada reminded the princess of herself when she first burst into the career scene, all fresh and full of ideals.

Like Hatheway, the plastic princess entered into a job for money, hoping that it would just be a temporary stopover en-route to her dream career. Before long, the princess found herself having to fend ferocious bitches in her company all the time but, of course, still totally clad in glamorous heels and stylish suits – looking fabulous and all.

At times, she wonders why she is pursuing a career that she had never wanted in the first place to begin with. Then, often, she dismisses her thoughts thinking that there isn’t any other way.

The Devil Wears Prada is exactly the wake-up call that the plastic princess needed to jerk her back to her senses.

If the princess still wants to continue wearing her Prada, she better quickly take on the role of the Devil.

No time for looking back at past regrets or silly childhood dreams.

The Princess needs her Prada no matter what it takes….

Ready For Love

The princess always has had an optimistic view on love; that love is the solution for all our problems, everlasting and never-changing.

And every broken relationship only serves to bring us closer to understanding what real love is and gets us ready when the right one comes our way.

In a world of increasing practicality, love is the only thing that keeps us insane and in touch of our deeper emotions.

And of course, most importantly, the princess believes that love is everywhere and in abundance. There is no need to fret and fear, or even snatch love, as there will always be enough for everyone.

The princess’s optimism for love has never been stronger in recent days.

According to her all-trusted fortune teller, real love is going to come for the princess after her birthday (which is yesterday btw).

The fortune teller said: “Before your birthday, you are not prepared for love as you do not truly know what you want. Only after your birthday, your heart will truly settle and be ripe for love”

Amazingly, it is true. The princess now knows what she needs in her man and is ready to be in love once again.

Paradise

Sometimes, we need to look back to the past to find the answers to the future.

The two gorgeous sistas found themselves back in familiar territory on one hot Saturday afternoon in an accidental twist of fate. A place which they had left behind for years.

For the plastic princess, this all familiar paradise was all too much for her to bear. Holding back her tears of delight, she slowly made her way across the glittery surface as memories flooded her mind. Vixen, now in her very best element, looked to the skies elegantly as the rays shine down on her. The two sistas knew they were home once again like Wonder Woman back to the Amazon.

The blue birds flew across the skies and the soft gentle wind caresses their hair and body as the sistas sip their wine and feasted on the fruits that they thought had no longer existed. It was a land before time, a heaven on earth, a picturesque view, a secret garden where only the purest of mind can enter.

As the sun begins to set, the sistas knew they had to leave. As sad as they were, they knew this would be a place that they can always seek solace in whenever they needed. A place they needed to be to remind them once again the purpose of their lives on Earth.

Reminiscing times

The princess and her gang was laughing their heads off silly, looking at our photos from yester-years..... We laughed at the way we look, quirky and err…… unglamorous… and amazed at how we allow ourselves to behave so silly in front of the camera way back then….

Well, I am really glad that I am “here” now…… much more sophisticated and understatedly demure…… No more in-your-face or those stick it up your butt kind of pose.

Strangely, time seems to mellow us down. Somehow, we have consciously exchanged spontaneity and bubbly outburst in the bid for acceptance and high ratings of approval from society.

Look at us…… so young and so innocently wide eyed then….. so wild and sluttily-provocative….

The princess took one last look at those photos from yester years with fond memories…… and deep in my heart, I wish that they would never ever fall into the wrong hands…….

Fickle World

Once hip, now not….. Joy was the toast of the town just months ago, one of the most celebrated clubs around. A few months later, it was deserted like a barren land, shunned and shamed.

Apparently, Rebel, the old maiden of the town, was again the flavor of the month. People are flooding back to it, gushing about the music, the crowd and the feel……when strangely, it has never ever changed anything at all over the months.

And so it goes to show, in the shallow world of the glamour pussies and hunky dories, it is all about perceptions, appearance and impressions. Nothing that really matters matter all so often.

Totally thrown off-track by the turn of events, the princess decided to make her way to another old kid on the block around the vicinity , well-known for catering to nubile young but very unattractive crowds.

Astonishingly, this amazing pub stays packed crowded as if unaffected by the fierce cat-fighting around. It seems, night after night, the crowd comes back to the same place.

In a place so unfamiliar, the princess suddenly realized that everything and everyone has a place and time and, probably, that special someone meant for them even in this fickle world.

Minutes later, the princess steps out for a breather, knowing that she was never meant to be at May Be.

Out on the quiet road, looking up at the night sky lighted with stars, the princess has a strong feeling that she might find that someone meant for her soon.

Birthday

As the nation celebrates its 41st birthday today, the princess finds herself nearing her own big 3-0.

Absolutely fabulous but totally clueless………

Somehow, at the euphoric age of 20ish, the princess decided then that life was too short to work her ass off and then took the downward spiraling tumble towards decadent mindlessness.

Now, facing the age where she begins her journey of the point of no return, the princess realized the precious years lost needs serious making up.

So on the verge of 30, it is time for the princess to take that glamorous leap into the 30s and back to being hip, driven and wildly successful…… just like before!

And so, while fireworks fill the skies once again to remind us how far our nation has progressed, the princess re-awakens like a phoenix from the ash……… Hot, Sexy and Dangerously focused.....

The Italian Job

There is this rush of love suddenly ignited deep within the princess when she steps into the office today. Could I be finally struck by cupid’s arrows?

I smiled and he smiled in the lift. Italian men, absolutely living up to their expectations.

For the first time ever, I finally realized the need for multi-national corporations to be in existence. Such heady joy. I bumped into him again 10 mins later. He smiled and I smiled.

Another 20 mins later, near the washroom, I smiled and He smiled.

This was getting pretty tiring without any progress. 30 mins later, I give up. I wish he could do more than reciprocating smiles. I wish to not only scratch the surface of the Italian man myth but also to know him at a much deeper level.

But right now, more importantly, I wish I could concentrate on this very urgent project I have in hand on my desk.

I got to take a coffee break to get him off my head, I told myself.

Spinelli’s – More Italians (or maybe Americans or British)…. I mean, who cares…..

And then, I saw him again…..

He smiled and I smiled for the last time……… today

Crushes (flirting) are all so sweet !

I LOVE D&G!

Yesterday, the princess had to run far and away just to get hold of that fashionistas-must-have D&G Motorola Razor Phone, which was supposedly limited in edition and fast running out of stocks.

Key phrases that will most certainly throw the princess into a frenzy and all common sense out of the window...... I could almost hear myself hiss “MY PRECIOUSSSSSSS!!!” (of course, in a sexy princess way)when i finally got my hand on it.

Of course, minutes later, the princess felt tremendously silly for mounting a nation-wide search just for a designer phone whose functions most probably are some generations back-dated.

This is an addiction that keeps coming back every time I say “enough is enough”. And i wonder why?

I guess, unless you are a creature of enlightenment, there will always be some form of addiction just catering to your needs…… Sex…. Cars….. Drugs…. Smoke….. Food….. Alcohol…. Work?!?!...

Sometimes, I really do not know what to make out of my addiction…

However, What i do know is that a gold D&G Motorola phone will definitely look fabulous together with my low waist D’Squared Jeans + that funky red GUCCI shoes and the quirky Marc Jacobs t-shirt for a wild glamourous night out.

SO while the Princess can be short on common sense and cash at times, she is never ever out of style....

The Hours

Some mornings I wake up feeling like Nicole Kidman in The Hours; not feeling anything in particular, as if disconnected from the real world and not really knowing how to be part of it…...

A dreaded feeling it is; especially with the rain beating heavily outside my house while I stayed motionlessly inside looking out wondering if there is meaning to it all.

The hours, it seems, are harder and harder to bear as I sense my will fading gradually away from me. Suddenly, I feel her pain and fears. I begin to see myself in Nicole’s frumpy dress with disheveled hair, putting pebbles into my pockets and walking slowly towards the pond in an attempt to end time.

Strangely, that happens to be my favorite scene from the show; to end your life under the weight of the world. Her desperate attempt revealed a sense of hopelessness to her cause and search for solutions. You can’t help but agree with her that there is no better way.

But I have no frumpy dress, disheveled hairstyle or any pebbles lying around. Not to mention, of course, there is no pond in the vicinity. Furthermore, I got to stay alive and awake enough to dress up and make it to work.

It is times like this where I truly wish that I am a truly talented and rich movie star like Nicole Kidman….

Samantha Jones

Today is truly one of the happier days in recent times……comparable to the time where Lady “V” got blissfully attached.

One of my truly talented friends in the royal group is a step closer to being the PR queen of Singapore, snagging a delightful PR job today. : ) What a wonderful piece of news this is!!!

Our very own Samantha Jones…

I was pretty glad that he had followed his heart and had not taken the well-trodden path of resuming his banking career….. So, it appears that life does deservingly reward people who take risks after all.

And what better way to celebrate the emergence of the PR Elite than a night of serious partying... After a long hiatus, the party princess will be back on the scene headed by our own SAM JONES – glamorous as always …..

I am sure that, amidst the night of endless cheering, flirting and teasing, we have all celebrated the fact that true happiness & joy doesn’t always need to begin with ‘me’………

We are so happy and proud of you, Sam Jones…………..

Cheers!

WHy Me?

"What?? Someone is using my picture on the chatroom???" The princess exclaimed after a concerned friend called me up to deliver the news.

I was dumbfounded. Who would do such a despicable thing? And worse, who actually got hold of my pics? After all, autographed pictures of the elusive princess are very rare.....

A million scary thoughts went through my head. What if the person using my pics talks dirty online... What if she superimposes my beautiful face on a naked body.... What if a potential man of my dream had seen the pic circulating its round on the chatroom and thinks that I am loose and promiscuous.... What ifs....What ifs....

Sigh... There is nothing much I can do about this.... These are the risks that every major celebrities must face I guess......

At least, someone thinks my pic is good enough to be used..... After all, imitation is really the best form of flattery.

;)

DOWN AND OUT

When I get down and out, wallowing in my own sorrows; there always seem to be constant reminders that I should stop being a whiny self-absorbing bitch.

It is amazing that I could be so oblivious to the fact that some of my friends most probably need that loving care, concern and a change of luck much more than me. And I could never imagine myself trading places with them.

As I start counting my blessings, I realized how much had been taken for granted and so little has been given to others. It is a shame that for the vastness of this world, my problems seemed to be larger than life. For the infinite possibilities that the world provides, I am confined within my own boundaries.

Suddenly the notion of the princess mulling and sulking over career and love (while people I know are battling to find a decent living, fear of losing loved ones and some, even their own) is so non-consequential.

With perspectives firmly put in place, the world just seems to be so much bigger now than my problems could ever fill.

LUCK

So I finally went ahead and bought my biggest purchase of lottery tickets ever on an early Saturday morning - against all advice from my friendly fortune teller that I do not have the windfall luck.

I am a gal who has to work hard for her money, she told me.

My whole life crumbled right before my eyes and I wasn’t gonna stand helplessly doing nothing.

Immediately, I ask: “Can a husband help then?”

She smiled and said ……… “Maybe, you can help him”

Well, she should tell that to my future husband instead (whomever, wherever). Clearly, she is not listening to her client’s needs.

I politely ask again: “So my husband wont be rich or make me rich?”

“It depends” said the wise one conveniently

Since we learned in schools that life has so many dependent variables, I decided that the only independent variable I should invest in is pure luck.

And, who knows, if I strike, maybe I truly can be of help to my future husband.

Now, i can only pray!

Treadmill Delight

When you are running on a treadmill at 12km/hr, keeping your graceful pace and at the same time, subtly flirting successfully with the cutie three treadmills away, you know you are near enlightenment.

The sheer excitement of burning calories while you flirt shamelessly is exhilarating. What’s more, you learn how to keep your hair perfectly in place, maintain that sexy smile even as you bop and huff and puff at the speed of light.

Cute face, nice smile and a great bod are always a welcome surprise by the princess of speed to distract one from the fatigue of running.

And I would also think, he most probably has a great personality, a healthy dose of fart humor and a loving heart from the way he runs.

In the world of multi-tasking, this has got to be the best - Man hunting at lighting speed!!!! I feel like “Cheetarah” on the prowl…….

And when the treadmill stops, the real chasing begins.

So I guess, in the exciting life of the supermodel princess, nothing really stands still even for a single moment.