Hot Trends 2008

In a flurry of activities, 2007 has almost come to an end. While a lot has happened during the year, it all seemed to be leading back to the same place where the princess started; as if I had been running in circles all this time.

Still, there are no signs of love & monetary success or that celebrity-supermodel-status that the princess had always been hoping for all these years.

And I thought 2007 could be the year that things were going to happen.

Apparently not. But, whatever!

Like a true-blue fashionista, the most important thing the princess can do is to do a Look-Back of 2007 and predict the hottest trends in 2008.

And the Plastic Princess’ Top Picks are:

1) The best relationship a woman can have, is with herself - Ex-original supermodel, Linda E of New York, quoted (from Sex and the City).

2) The Party is so OVER! There is life beyond endless partying

3) With friends like these, who needs enemies? Frenemies, can’t live with them, can’t live without them.

4) When the going gets tough, the tough gets back to basics. Simplicity is truly the key to happiness.

5) The best boyfriend one can ever have, might not need to be the richest, smartest or best-looking (and Frumpy housewife should know)

6) Live your life like a reality show. Dream big.

7) Sadly, inner beauty is over-rated. Sometimes, looking good is all it takes.

8) In the wave of green movement, recycled boyfriends could be the next “IT” thing.

9) Empowerment comes hand in hand with learning to let go.


AND…. The top trend in 2008 is………….

10) Femininity is the new black


Cheers,
Plastic Princess

Keeping Up with the Jones

Just a while ago, having a little blog seemed to be the latest fad in life. Now, the new darling of the moment appears to be the so-hip-it-bleeds: FaceBook.

The princess was so tempted to jump onto the glamorous bandwagon after numerous kind requests by friends to do so, hinting at the possibilities of hooking up with new eligible friends and re-making old acquaintances.

Somehow, the princess didn’t.

Perhaps, just the thought of the constant need to catch up with the latest fad had drained all enthusiasm off the princess.

These days, it just is so difficult to keep up with times and live up to expectations. Everything is going at such neckbreaking speed, people and connections are getting so complex by the minute.

Back at the ever-so-popular club the other night, the princess was seized by a sudden bout of panic attack in the middle of the body packed dance floor. Waves and waves of new faces came crashing in; each wave more beautiful than the one before.

Perfect bodies sculpted by hours in the gym, that youthful look not yet savaged by the time and the air of confidence that permeates as they gyrate across the floor. It seems, in a world so superficial; everyone is so hell-bent to be the best.

Suddenly, like her fellow teen sensations in Hollywood, down-spiralling into a life of mess and despair; the plastic princess finally begins to share their pain & pressures while trying to make her own choice: Join in the madness and keep up with the Jones or quietly step away from it all.

MIU MIU got a secret

The creative people at MIU MIU are really a bunch of fantastic freaks.... Its latest campaign featuring Lindsay L is absolutely mind blowing.

Trust them to turn someone so Mainstream-Ms-Popular like Lindsay L into an unknown indie girl-liked woman; staying true to the classic MIU MIU quirkiness in this SPRING/SUMMER 2007 campaign.

Lindsay comes across as Alice-In-Wonderland meets Brenda Starr in this campaign which is incredibly surreal & totally mystifying.


There is something so Vintage yet so contemporary about the latest series of ads that one cant just help but take another look at it.

This is a great step for Lindsay L. Ever the party girl whom is on the verge of steering out of control, she redeems herself 100% with this out-of-the world collaboration with MIU MIU.

For MIU MIU, whom had seldom engage the likes of mainstream celebrity to launch their collection, had demonstrated the ability to create such a buzz without banking on or be adversely affected by the notoriety of Lindsay L.

This is a hard act for anyone to achieve; MIU MIU definitely deserves huge credit for the creative success of this campaign.

The princess being both a MIU MIU and Lindsay L fan is really pleased with this fabulous campaign that is so refreshing and unexpected.

I am sure this is what is needed to give both fans and non-fans of the quirky fashion label and Lindsay L a whole new perspective.

Love Babe

Lady ‘V’ with her new found single status was quickly back to the dating scene, armed with her new-found freedom & a whole new philosophy when it comes to love.

However, just weeks into the dating arena, she has already declared the scene, or the lack of it, officially over. O… V…. E… R…, over!

Over, over, over!

And the princess must agree. These days there isn’t seemed to be a man good enough for the eligible princess and her dear Lady ‘V’.

In a drought like this, we rather be sipping coffee at the hippest fashion café in town, discussing about love, rather than finding it.

Turning all philosophical again, Lady ‘V’ waxed: “Love is like couture, if it doesn’t fit exactly, it can be a disaster.”

Just when the princess wonders if a break-up can do miracles to a lady’s IQ, Lady ‘V’ confessed: “it’s from Sex & the City”.

Nonchalantly, she continued with her new theory of what kind of man gets attracted to what kind of woman, citing real-life examples to substantiate her points; getting the princess all excited about dating and finding love again.

Suddenly, the both of us seem raring to try out Lady ‘V’s new theory of love on innocent, hapless victims.

I guess, just like all these renewed concerns & fears on global warming, sometimes, all it takes is a whole new theory to ignite the old passion again.

Ms VP - Trilogy - the 2nd part (Poke Chop Lice)

While I was waiting at the traffic junction between Beach road and SUNTEC, a aunty Ah
Lian, took out her ringing bling bling phone and answered. The moment she said Hello, I could almost at once picture myself whipping out my ”Certified True Ah
Lian” chop and chop it all over her face.

Anyway, this Ah Lian Aunty was talking to her equally Ah lian friend over the phone and I guess they must be talking about where to lunch and Ah Lian Aunty immediately
suggested the bery nice POKE CHOP LICE at the Shaw Tower food court. Upon hearing that, I started getting bitchy and scrutinized her conversation and I counted
how many times she mentioned Poke Chop Lice…. A grand total of 5 times. Imagine the agony I had to go through while waiting for the light to turn green. I had to subject myself to those totally absurd pronunciations. What does she want to Poke?? The Chop or the Lice?

In any case, she can’t poke cos she has no LJ, she only has a smelly CB that can be poked by Fat Lift Bastard “Golden Penis Award”.

Sometimes, I just don’t understand why people do not make the little effort to ensure that the words they speak sound right before they blurt it out of their CB
mouth. Another classic example of mispronounced word is COUPON… There are many ways of pronouncing this word. Coupun, Copon, Copun and the worst of all.
Kapun.

What the hell are those??

Only idiots who mouthed them will understand what they mean. Well, I guess sometimes the word is just too funny to be pronounced correctly by everyone. Another word that
can have many different versions of pronouncing is POKEMON. There are people who pronounce it as Pokimon, some pronounce as Pogaymon, others call it Pokaymun.
While Ms VP prefers to call it Poke-it-moan. Can you imagine how cool the toys or cartoon will be?? They are small little pets which you keep and instead of
releasing them from the ball for the battles, you poke it and it will moan. Each one has different ways to moan and whoever moans the most Sluttish will be crown the Poke-it-moan king.

Ok ok, guess VP is tired and it’s time for bed. So much for now and I will return with more.

Why every gal thinks she is Carrie Bradshaw?

It is amazing that every gal whom seemed to be suffering from a bout of love trouble inevitably thinks she is in a ‘Carrie Bradshaw’ situation.

“I can so relate to her”

“Me and my bf are so like Carrie and Mr Big…”

“Remember the episode on…., that was me!”

I guess when you are feeling low & down, the best thing that you can do is to romanticising your problems, make yourself the leading actress of your world.

And if that takes a little pain off your shoulders and gives you a little hope at the end of the day, why not?

After all, Carrie Bradshaw did finally snag her Mr Big after six seasons of on-off-on-off relationships.

But the funny thing is, no one wants to be Miranda...and I wonder why.

She has a good career, a good family and a good husband. Isn’t this what every woman wants? Maybe it is because of her lack of dress sense, the lack of designer shoes or the serious lack of a bunch of romantically failed relationships with hot hunky men.

And so my nagging suspicion is that, like Carrie Bradshaw, when it comes to failed relationships and personal dramas, sometimes we are subconsciously just asking for it…..




Love,
Princess Carrie Bradshaw

The Lift Bitch / Lift Bastard

Presenting.... Celebrity Writer, Ms Vuglar Penis's latest piece of crude work..., Enjoy

Ok ok, I know I have been missing for sometime and I am sure some of you guys miss me. The fabulous Ms VP. But I can’t help it, it’s tough dealing with the animals at ‘The Other Zoo’ in Singapore. Everyday is a struggle for me to stay alive.

Well, I am gonna talk about the lift bitch/lift bastard today. I am sure some or even all of you who works or stay in high rise building would have experience the Lift Bitch/Lift Bastard (now on known as (LB)2). From Afar, even before boarding the lift, you would have noticed the(LB)2 . They will walk towards the lifts with folded
arms or clutching their IPOD/ Walkman/Handphone as if they are holding on to their “Golden Penis award”.

When the lift finally arrives, the (LB)2 will be one of the first to rush into the lift and stand next to the lift buttons panel. They will block every one from pressing the lift buttons with their boobs/tummy and will be rooted there till they reach their floor. Along the way, when the lift opens on other floors for others to get down, the (LB)2 will just stand there, rooted, continue holding on to their “Golden Penis Award” and not pressing the close button door when people alighted. They behave as if they are regurgitating their acceptance speech in their head for their “golden Penis Award”. This will conitinue all the way until they reach their floor. It’s like they are expecting others to press through their
boobies or fat tummy when they are standing right next to the panel blocking every one.

I always feel that there should be a “Special Operation Squard” to catch these (LB)2. Once spotted, the SOS will hand cuffed these (LB)2, take them to their special Headquarter, open up their head and insert a microchip into their head. The next time these (LB)2 take the lift and continue to clutch on to their “Golden Penis Award”,they would involuntarily collapse to the floor, take off their skirt/pants and start inserting the “Golden Penis Award” into their asshole. This will certainly
teach them what it means by “Pain in the ass” and that will definitely remind them to not be a “Pain in the ass” for their future Lift trips.


Sincerely
VP

Dying Ants

It was one of those unfortunate times.

The princess accidentally discovered a family of ants (all hundreds of them) hidden in the depth of her desk and she freaked out. At the split moment, she brutally massacred them without a second thought. Moments later, seeing them struggled with life under the poisonous spray of insecticide, the princess was somehow overwhelmed with guilt and fear.

I wondered if taking hundreds of life was going to cause irreparable damage to my karma so early in the new year? Can countless times of good work be offset by a single act of evil? Would these ants reincarnated and haunt me in their next life and when I sleep at night?

Then the princess begins to ponder over the fate and lives of these tiny creatures. Do they ever question if life holds a greater purpose for them other than working all day? Have they ever felt that they are a bunch of meaningless creatures just living in the world only to be sprayed and killed at the end of the day? Do they ever compare and complain about how fat or ugly they look in comparison? And how the rich ants get richer and the poor gets poorer?

Maybe they are just happy to die and be free from their troubles.

With that thought, the princess gingerly sweeps their remains off the desk and into bin before she says a little prayer and moves on with her life.

Perhaps, this is a reminder to the princess that life is usually brutally unfair most of the time, no one is indisposable and the world moves on with or without you in it.

The Perfect Year

2007, what a beautiful year!

After a rushed and turbulent 2006, the princess feels that things must be looking up in the New Year.

Emerging wiser and much more beautiful from taking all that shit in the past year, the princess feels totally equipped to breeze through this year with total grace and glamor.

And her only resolution this year is to be a dynamic woman using 10 time-tested tricks up her sleeve:
1) Always dress in power suit and 4” heels;
2) Never smile, only purse the lips if really required;
3) Eludes that dangerous confident sex appeal 24/7;
4) Be always ready to bark at the less efficient minions around;
5) Be condescending;
6) Stride like Naomi Campbell every time;
7) Demand only the best;
8) Get a successful man, failing which, get a toy boy;
9) Behaves like you know everything; and
10) Moisturise, Moisturise, Moisturise.

So, cheers to 2007!

New year, New hope, New princess.

And that magical Feeling is gone

After a long hiatus off the clubbing scene, the princess returns with much anticipation last weekend. The moment she steps into that same old place, she sensed a feeling of excitement all over again.

But as soon as the princess turns her head around the dance floor, it suddenly becomes almost too familiar. The same old crowd in and out, dancing to the music that now cannot be distinguished one from another.

Same smile, same expression, same decor, same one-of-a-kind men.

In that one instance, all the magical feeling that you have about a place, a notion, a person disappears into thin air. And awkwardly, in the middle of the club, the princess was left stranded, void of emotions, wandering where they have all gone to.

Yet, strangely, there was a certain sense of relief.

As if my eyes were cursed by a non-clubber's spell, the princess could not see either the beauty or the charm of the night-life for the rest of the night.

This time, she was an outsider in a place she calls home.

And as my cab drove further away from the club that night on my way home, the princess wonders: "Can one really lose that magic moment overnight?"

Perhaps in a world, sadly, built on hype & freshness, familarity can sometimes truly breeds contempt.

The Single Gal

The princess often lament at her forever single status. She looks at happily attached couples and wonders if she too could be like them.

But then of course, the sharp-eyed princess realises that most seemingly happily attached couples are often in some sham relationship, under the pretence of joy that should come in a relationship.

And the princess wonders why one has to turn a blind eye to the obvious cheatings that must have taken place a million times. Or the right-in-your-face incompatibility a couple is in, trying to pretend everything is fine and well in the name of love.

Is it blind faith, simple ignorance or the fact that any bird in the hand is worth two in the bushes?

As we progressed well into the new millennium, how much of our irrational fears still clings with us? Why should ladies questioned themselves on their abilities to find a better man unless they do not even think highly of their own self-worth?

Why a lady of today would think a man would make her life much better than before and not the other way round?

Sometimes the princess wonders is it more pathetic to be a singleton in today's world and a today's attached woman trapped in yesterday's mentality.

The Eyes Are Alive!!

Ms Tyra Banks was furiously scolding the models, once again, in the America Next Top Model, for not having expressive eyes. She then went on to demonstrate her perfect “eyes-that-smile” look without moving the mouth.

Immediately, the princess got hold of a mirror and start looking at her soulless eyes that had been drained of all its enthusiasm and smiles. The princess’s eyes were a sad reflection of their past glories.

In her heyday, the princess also had her signature eye. I call them the “Bambi Doe-Eye”.

This is a very very difficult expression to master. Inherently, you need a pair of pearly round eyes. If not, you are out!!

And it cannot be 2- dimensional, it has to be textured, something mysterious in the form of innocent eyes.

Over the years, the princess perfected the art of seduction through her innocence doe-eyes, proving to all that innocence can be sensual too.

And my killer move? The interview doe-eyed look which always gets me the job!

This is a slight variation of the seduction doe-eye look; just a subtle smile in the eyes and less of a slut.

But I guess, to the untrained eyes, the princess would just be like Zoolander doing his different poses.

No matter, the only celebrity that perhaps could challenge the princess would have to be Britney Spears.

And if Britney is making her comeback after a disastrous marriage, so can the princess & her eyes.

Move Over, Ms Tyra! Make space for the Princess!

So Now GoodBye

The princess often wonders what happens when you realised that two of us are not the same. Would you harden your heart to say goodbye or try to make things work out through compromise?

Can love still work if the things we want are different? And what is the common ground to stay together?

When it is love so hard, is it still called love? Or have I stayed for way too long?

And I (breaks into a song),

Remember when I saw you for the first time
I never thought you'd be mine
Then we went ahead and fell in love
Heaven was a common ground
We were never coming down
The two of us we had more than enough
You and I are not the same
To you love is just a game
Things will never be the same again

So now goodbye
This time I will be gone goodbye
Stayed for way too long
Started out with trust
But it isn't just about the good times baby

Remember all the promises we swore to
Can't say I didn't warn you
How I did adore you way back then (I did adore you adore you)
Ohhhhh
But you broke a solemn vow
Ha! you're paying for it now
Wouldn't you expect more from a friend
You and I are not the same
To you love is just a game
Things will never be the same again

So now goodbye
This time I will be gone goodbye
I stayed for way too long
I don't need you now
And I am oh so tired of excuses baby

Goodbye
Goodbye
Goodbye
Goodbye

This time will be gone goodbye
Stayed for way to long this time
It all started out with trust
But it isn't about the good times baby

(Kylie)

So Goodbye, my dear. For the last time.

The Socialite

Barely even a month at her new workplace, the princess is already well-known for her expensive taste and elegant class. And so, it would only seem natural that she be tasked to be in charge of the department’s next celebratory event.

Ever the socialite-at-heart, she decided that her Martha Stewart-meets-Donnatella Versace theme could be an instant hit where outrageous fashion makes peace with motherly family feast.

Then, came the shocker: It’s a ten-dollar per head budget.

I mean, come on, even a commoner’s caterer wouldn’t get out of bed for this kind of petty fee.

This is an impossible task for the impeccable princess. Immediately, the princess went from high class to low class disgracefully; choosing the most convenient caterer at the office cafeteria (whose food is well-known to be, well, unexciting and at times, inedible) – that’s why they do it for ten bucks!

Another shocker came three days later at the event itself, and it goes like this:
“The fish cake is too Salty!”
“The noodle is too Blend!”
“Where is the chicken in the Chicken Pie?!”
“Is that all?”

I mean, the princess knew that this was going to be a thankless task but I am sure that the people must know that this is the quality that ten dollar can buy.

So it goes to show, in life, some beggars can be choosers and princess can be losers.

And lesson learnt is never agree to anything (even to a relationship) until the price is right!

Lady Elephant (by Celebrity Writer - Ms Vulgar)

( Ms Vulgar second entry in Plastic Princess's blog..... As the blog princess, i have graciously publish Ms Vulgar Penis' unedited work of bizzare imagination. )


It’s been a long time since VP made her debut on plastic’s blog.

Guess what, I’m back again. After paris and bali, I am back to tell the story of the other zoo in Singapore. I am sure all of you who stay in Singapore have been to the Singapore zoological garden at Mandai road but I’m sure most of you have not been to the one that I work in, at orchard road.

This zoo is made up of just a few animals but all really ferocious and ready to bite anytime. In this zoo, you can find the lady elephant, the scaredy mouse, the butterfly, the lady pig and the mother hen.

Day in day out, VP has to take care of all these animals in the zoo to make sure that they do not fight with each other but sometimes, they get so ferocious that they fight with VP too. That’s when my NBCB, CCB, SFB will come out silently in my heart.

I guess among all the animals in this zoo, the one that I can’t stand most is lady elephant. Let me elaborate more on lady elephant…. Lady elephant is ….. HUGE for a lady.

No, she is not fat but just huge.

She often thinks she is the most stylish animal in the office but in actual fact she is not as she walks like a gangster and behave like one.

Lady elephant doesn’t like Singapore men as she complained that they are too small size. She however, particularly like Korean, Japanese and Caucasians. At times, when she complained about Singaporean men being too small, I just feel like telling her that it should be the other way round, she is too big for Singaporean men. It reminds me of Sex in the city when Samantha complained about the size of James’ LJ. James rebutted that she has a big CB.

That was hilarious.

Lady elephant was in Paris with me as I brought her along for the freak show that took place once a year in Europe. She however is a disappointment, not only did she not get the champion for the freak show, she was running around Paris flaunting her big CB to all the ang mohs there. It seems like she can’t live or dine without ang mohs as she will insist on looking for ang mohs during meal time and would pull a long face if there is no ang moh to dine with her.

I guess I have written enough about lady elephant. More to come as the days go by.

In the meantime, I better standby some salt in the office in the event that lady elephant’s CB gets too itchy due to a lack of ang moh here, I can stuff the salt into her CB to stop the itch.

Princess Feng Shui

The princess is a firm believer of Feng Shui, even at the expense of breaking her neck with heaps and heaps of crystal pendants ever known to man.

She is a conservative lady at heart, steep in traditional practices and values; trying to fit into modern demands of the world by infusing ancient wisdom into daily living.

In her office, she arranges her furniture and decors strictly in accordance to the Bagua arrangement.

And after the whirlwind shifting of the office equipments, she was finally pleased with herself; Even though now the stationary table is miles away from me and the files are not within the reach of my petite arms.

But no matter the inconvenience, the princess endures as she believes

Love will come,
Career will soar, and
Health and prosperity will rush to the princess

Now, with everything rightly put in place, the princess will just have to wait for her cute little fishes and the cheery potted flowers to help her snag the hunk of her life. :)

The Morning After

The princess wakes up the morning after, feeling tired and haggard, and she wonders inside her heart: “So, this is all there is to life?”

Day after day, week after week and year after year, the princess struggles to give meaning to her life, enriching it with love, money, career and a grand dream of the perfect life by following her heart.

She doesn’t want to be a fish spending its whole life in a bowl, meaningless and futile. She doesn’t want to be the numerous people she sees around her going through life lost and aimless.

Then, in a matrix-like vision gained somewhere between breakfast and dozing off back to sleep, the princess realises that life’s meaning is nothing but merely what we make of it.

The essence of life is in its everyday living, appreciating every moment. And as we constantly try to fill our lives with meanings, with cravings and desires, it distracts us from living it the more.

The princess hopes one day, she will wake up one morning after, free from the constant search for the meaning of life; only to smell the roses and the air, living each moment as it is there; appreciating life, with or without meaning to it.

Project Runaway Love

Things are never easy when it comes to love, as a dear friend of the princess just found out.

Having been on dates on and off for several months now, the poor friend of the princess often complain that she hadn’t the slightest idea what went wrong with each of the dates that were all going seemingly well.

And just like that, she will not be getting calls or response from the dates anymore without reasons…

At this point, the princess could not resist having this very inappropriate thought bubble in my head. I imagined myself as Heidi talking to her:

“You know what they say in Love, one day you are in, and the next day you are out!”

But the Princess does know how she feels. Sometimes, things are so unexplainable and there could be a billion reasons. Just like project runway, you will never understand why the worst of the lot remains in the game week after week.

At times, we just have to accept things as they are and let faith bring us through the difficult times.

And as what an optimist could say: “One day you are out, the next day you are in!”

Royal Destinies Fulfilled

The Queen left as fast as she came; leaving a trail of destruction along her way. It seems these days, there are more questions than answers, wherever part of the world you may be staying.

And in a year so filled with world-wide unrests and personal let-downs, there appears to be little cause for rejoicing at this short reunion in the heart of our tropical paradise.

Nearing the end of a year, the Princess wonders what’s in store for her in the coming year. She, and of course the Queen, cant help but wonder if the new year would bring new career highlights, a wonderful blissful love, good health, best friends and world peace at long last.

In the sea of uncertainties, would there finally be an answer which leads to a life of good old fashion love and kindness.

Being THE supermodels of the world, Plastic Princess & The Queen are never one whom would give up a good fight when we see one. So when our chips are down, our make-ups will be up.

Facing the world with new make-up, new hopes and new perspectives; Perhaps, there could really be a chance for our royal destinies to be fullfilled.

The Fish

My new fish seems to think that he is an eel or something. Most times, I see him dragging his tail at the bottom of the beautiful fishbowl; left to right and right to left. Somehow, no amount of food seems to be able to entice the stupid fish to swim up to the surface.

Like any self-respecting mother, I gave him a few lashing of my own…. “Swim up to the surface, you lazy bum!” and “You better work those fins!”

Suddenly, my frustration grew into fear and concern.

I thought to myself. “Could the fish actually be crippled? Or struck with some life-threatening disease?” But I guess, as long as he doesn’t swim sideways, it should be fine.

I could only pray that, maybe, it is a case of performance anxiety playing tricks. You know how some guys are in a new environment – shy and not able to display their prowess.

For now, I guess, he just likes to play the role of a slimy eel.

Guys, sometimes, you just cannot figure out what they are thinking of.