The Lift Bitch / Lift Bastard

Presenting.... Celebrity Writer, Ms Vuglar Penis's latest piece of crude work..., Enjoy

Ok ok, I know I have been missing for sometime and I am sure some of you guys miss me. The fabulous Ms VP. But I can’t help it, it’s tough dealing with the animals at ‘The Other Zoo’ in Singapore. Everyday is a struggle for me to stay alive.

Well, I am gonna talk about the lift bitch/lift bastard today. I am sure some or even all of you who works or stay in high rise building would have experience the Lift Bitch/Lift Bastard (now on known as (LB)2). From Afar, even before boarding the lift, you would have noticed the(LB)2 . They will walk towards the lifts with folded
arms or clutching their IPOD/ Walkman/Handphone as if they are holding on to their “Golden Penis award”.

When the lift finally arrives, the (LB)2 will be one of the first to rush into the lift and stand next to the lift buttons panel. They will block every one from pressing the lift buttons with their boobs/tummy and will be rooted there till they reach their floor. Along the way, when the lift opens on other floors for others to get down, the (LB)2 will just stand there, rooted, continue holding on to their “Golden Penis Award” and not pressing the close button door when people alighted. They behave as if they are regurgitating their acceptance speech in their head for their “golden Penis Award”. This will conitinue all the way until they reach their floor. It’s like they are expecting others to press through their
boobies or fat tummy when they are standing right next to the panel blocking every one.

I always feel that there should be a “Special Operation Squard” to catch these (LB)2. Once spotted, the SOS will hand cuffed these (LB)2, take them to their special Headquarter, open up their head and insert a microchip into their head. The next time these (LB)2 take the lift and continue to clutch on to their “Golden Penis Award”,they would involuntarily collapse to the floor, take off their skirt/pants and start inserting the “Golden Penis Award” into their asshole. This will certainly
teach them what it means by “Pain in the ass” and that will definitely remind them to not be a “Pain in the ass” for their future Lift trips.


Sincerely
VP