Princess Enchanted

Today at the office, i imagine myself to be Amy Adams in Enchanted.....As Work keeps piling up, i still maintain a happy smile.....

While i know there will be no rats or dove flying in to complete my work; i was praying, with sincere optimism, that my prince is going to come soon as we ride off to the days of love and no work ......




But seriously, i do feel a sense of uplift and happiness everytime i hear this song and imagine the show.....

Like every disney show, it always bring about valuable lessons in life:

1) Sometimes, the mundane things in life can be done with much passion (its a matter of choice)

2) We all need friends, no matter who or what they are.... (ugly or smelly, friends are still the best)

3) Hard work pays..... Clean the toilets & do your work and Your prince will surely come at the end of the day :)





Now, i got to go back to my work...

"Ahh... Ahh... Ahh.... "

Bus Stop Love Affair with a Stalker

The princess thinks she is being stalked at a bus-stop near her house (not that the princess takes a bus or watsoever.... I was just waiting for my friend... Princesses dun take bus like commoner)

Anyway, there is this guy at the bus stop that keeps staring at the princess almost everyday.

At first, i tried to dismiss it because, i mean, it is natural for guys to take an extra look at beautiful girls right (especially one of royal blood).

But after the first week or so, i realise this guy (eurasian, not too bad looking as well, keeps looking my way).

It was then that the princess started to have the shivers (and of course, some nervousness and excitement) Just like a virgin being touched for the first time....

Of course, the first thing that came to the princess' mind was to act cool and conservative. Because, by conventional wisdom, everyone knows any girl who starts a conversation with a stranger at the bus-stop is a loser and a slut.

But whats wrong with this stalker, shouldnt he be the one to make the first move??!!! He should just step up and walk to the princess before he boards the stupid Bus 198 right??!?!! (now, if you read blog, i hope u know who u are, idiot!)

Anyways, The princess is determined to keep a Poker Face on no matter what.... The princess resolves not to be a loser and a slut for some guy who takes the public transport (even though he is very cute and a ABC)!!

SO, good bye my dear, bus-riding cute guy.

My love story - Romeo save me....

My favouritest Music Video for the moment:



Who doesnt want to be the princess?
Who doesnt want to run away with the prince to somewhere alone?
Who doesnt want to be in a fairy tale?

So....please.... I sing:

"Romeo save me, i`ve been feeling so alone
I keep waiting for you but you never come
Is this in my head, i don`t know what to think
He knelt to the ground and he pulled out a ring
And said

Marry me, juliet, you`ll never have to be alone
I love you and that`s all i really know
I talked to your dad, you`ll pick out a white dress

It`s a love story, baby, just say yes"

Poker Face

When it comes to Love & finding Love, do you keep a poker face?



The princess, always one to wear her heart on her sleeve, realises the greatest trick in the book to nabbing a dream guy could just happens to be the oldest one: Keeping a poker face when it comes to your feelings.....



I guess, even in today's time, a woman's worth is determined by how unattainable she is.... Perhaps, we have not progress any bit since the days of sense and sensibility.


To survive, one must needs to be:

Not too confrontational,
Not too loud,
Not too upfront,

And Like my idol, Lady GAGA, sings

"Can't read my,
Can't read my
No he can't read my poker face
(she's got to love nobody)
Can't read my
Can't read my
No he can't read my poker face
(she's got to love nobody)"

The Reader - Nicole got One already

Nicole said:"I should so act as Kate Winslet's character in The Reader!!"


















Nicole trying to imagine herself as Kate in Acceptance Speech....

The princess is not too sure if Nicole was trying to be in the shoe of the Best Actress or Nicole actually can very much relate to the sex scenes in 'The Reader'

One thing the princess knows for sure.... Nicole would really have no problem in all those hot and steamy scenes when Kate Winslet made love to the young boy.













Before the steamy act....

The Plastic Princess has not yet seen the critically acclaimed movie yet... but if real life mirrors ART, this should be a show worth every penny.......

The princess is already booking her ticket now..... Thanks Nicole for the movie preview for The Reader

Mother Nature

Legend has it that, long time ago, somewhere in the middle of the beautiful garden lies the fountain of youth. This is the exact essence that had maintain the youth and longetivity of the source of our world, Mother Nature… Apparently, every morning, Mother Nature sips from the fountain of youth thus enhancing her youth and power.

Back to our modern days, of course, we all know now that that is no such thing as the fountain of youth… unless you count SK2 as one of them…..

But if this is the case, then how does modern-day Mother Natures contain their inert urge to be young always?

Like all beings, Mother Natures (one of the most intelligent and innovative kind of this world) had managed to evolve with times, fufilling their desires in a sinister way…..

Apparently,as the beautiful princess shockingly discover one day in an overseas trip, one of her best friend was actually a sinister Mother Nature!!!

Nicole was just like everyone with no signs with her sinister side. Like everyone else, she was just as bitchy, just as slutty and just as crazy.

But when someone young comes her way (i.e. 18years to 21years)*, she becomes a totally different person….. Sweet, caring & nurturing…. She has turned into mother nature (with her poor young prey being oblivious)….come to think about it… its like Hansel & Gretel story right...

*yes, the age range of her prey is very limited so she needs to be very precise and targeted in her hunt for maximum effectiveness… mother natures need to adhere to the legal law of the world too

Anyway, back to the story…..

Nicole, sometimes masequrading as the world's first supermodel to have her own modelling agency, enchants and entraps these silly young preys slowly but surely. These young preys who also needs a strong and caring mother figure to shether them from the dangers of the world turns to Nicole in no time. We can say its mutual consent.

Little did they know, they are entering into a bigger dangerous dark hole (no pun intended ;P) unable to escape.

Nicole, by association of these young men, becomes young always :)

Time and again, Nicole had tried to recruit the princess to become one of them…..

The princess, known for her independence and wisdom, politely decline as she understand deep inside, happiness is not in being young or having young. Happiness is not about finding love in a relentless hunt.

The princess tells Nicole:"Let love find u, u dun find love, Nicole…… Let these innocent young men free……"

Death by Chocolate - Guest Writer, Ms VP

Jamie is a chocolate lover.

She is someone who is so in love with chocolate that she basically lives on a chocolate diet. All sorts of chocolates appeal to her and she has them for all 3 meals of the day.

For the longest time that i know, Jamie and her fellow chocolate lover sista, Jacqueline have always favoured white chocolate over the others. They think that white chocolate taste and look purer and that somehow gives them a sense of superiority when they eats them.

However, recently, jamie's taste has changed. She has begun to take a liking for dark chocolate thinking that it is more beneficial for her.

There have been various reports stating the health benefits of dark chocolates including the fact that chocolate releases endorphin that will lift up your mood. Hence, whenever jamie is alone and depressed, she will turn to dark chocolate in the hope that it will make her happier.

However, not only did the dark chocolate not lift her mood, they caused her to become a postmenopausal bitch and has caused several unwanted side effects like diarrhea and vomiting.

All these while, jamie refused to believe that dark chocolate is bad for her health and continued to search for the best dark chocolate from the 2 famous chocolate factory in town, tanchoc and darkstage. Jamie tried and tried and eventually found a dark chocolate at tanchoc. She was exhilarated when she saw this particular dark choc with the name bombayessence.

Jamie paid a high price for bombayessence and just when she was looking forward with anticipation for all the benefits that bombayessence could give her, she was once again disappointed. Bombayessence not only taste like curry turned sour, it smells like cheese that has turned bad.

jamie was furious after trying bombayessence and she promised herself that she will stay off dark chocolate forever after this experience. I was glad for jamie when i heard that as i know dark chocolate has done her more harm than any others.

However, not long after promising to stay off, jamie's delusional illness caused by her previous encounters with dark chocolate came back to haunt her. She behaves like she is under a spell or a curse and kept singing praises of dark chocolate. Not long after, she is out on an endless hunt for the perfect dark chocolate again...

Will Jamie ever find the dark chocolate that will make her feel like heaven when she tastes it? Or will Jamie turn back to white chocolate, feeling superior all over again? Or will Jamie try milk chocolate for once? Or perhaps Jamie will change her diet habit all together and go back to the down to earth staple food of rice?

Whatever is the case, here’s hoping that Jamie will find something that will satisfy her taste bud like never before.

Sinead O'Connor

The princess can never get tired of listening and watching Sinead.

She is talented, naturally beautiful and with such a powerful, soulful voice. But her presence always seemed so awkward in the scheme of things.

Already an anti-establishment at the height of her fame.

Sometimes, the princess wishes she has the strength of Sinead.... always fighting the establishment, keeping her own views despite the vicious backlash often encountered. Sticking true to herself and not selling out.

Being able to refuse all the fame and riches that she could have

The princess resolves to be more like Sinead in the coming year. A strong, beautiful woman who stands strong in the face of adversity; never backing down and selling out.

The Little Nonyas

"The Little Nonyas" was the talk of the town when this TV series was broad casted a few months ago.

Where lies its appeal? the princess asked.

Was it the twist and turns of the show's plot? Was it the bitchy storyline that captivated the audience? Was it the glamorous cast that mesmerised the entire nation? or was it the nostalgic feeling of a beautiful lost culture brought back to life?

Well, the answer is yes and no....

Based on the princess' personal experience... the key to any successful dramas is to: keep it real but making it too good to be true..... Something that the audience can connect with but could never possibly do it.....

Some classic examples

Nigella Lawson
Everyone has cooked before (so they can connect with it). But to whip up a homecooked meal that is so delicious while maintaining the effortless, glamourous look is impossible.

Carrie Bradshaw
Everyone has difficult relationship issues. But to fall in and out of love with so many men and ended up with the first true love is also almost impossible.

Perhaps, the princess should apply this success formula into her own personal love life as well. To be someone who is real but almost unattainable.

And how to do it?

This is a secret i'll never tell.

You know u love me.

Gossip Princess,
XOXO

Midnight Ladies

They say lady of royalties should not venture out too late in a foreign land. There is always a set of protocol that royal ladies like the princess has to adhere strictly to.

But once in a while, the princess got to let her hair down too.

Especially in such a beautiful city like Sydney and with the accompaniment of her most beloved sista, Ms Midnight Love aka Nina G, in the land of cute Ozs.

Sydney at Midnight has the most amazing scene ever. Welcoming, friendly, and absolutely stunning.

Perhaps, the princess, being a new face in a foreign land, shone as brightly as an illuminated pearl in the darkness of midnight.... Luring all those around her......

Ms Midnight Love was just as fabulous as ever.... Her every move seemed to flow in beat with the music of Lady Gaga (not associated with us royal ladies, of course).

Before long, Ms Midnight Love and the Princess became the toast of the town, even though they were minding their own business and just doing some catching up of their own.

What an amazing night and what fun the two beautiful sistas had.

The princess and Ms midnight love soon parted ways to our homes knowing deep inside... the world is always full of beautiful possibilities at the strike of midnight.

India, the new New York???

The princess was sipping her coffee with Lady 'V' one day..... at the upper east side of town...... pretending we are Blair and Queen Bee from Gossip Girl.

But, of course, having conversations of the 30somethings.... Like SJP and Samantha Jones.......

"These days, it seems, Indians are everywhere.... Gorgeous and hunky...." The princess said as she observed the number of Indian men that day.... and the fact that alot of them are in some of the most established financial institutions in our City....

The princess had overheard one female banker said just the other day... "The Indians are ruling the world...!"

"Of course, India.... is the new New York!!" Lady V offered her words of wisdom....

The princess laughed heartily..... as if she had been told another sex joke by Lady 'V'.... (Indian men are of course sexy too, in one way or the other...)

So India, not quite New York yet..... and Not yet taking over the world..... its men, however, has managed to pique the interests in the hearts of 2 very eligible royalties here.....

Sweet Bday Cake

My birthday cake!!! Hello Kitty!! Mooncakes....

SO Kawaaii!!!! So sweet!! Haahahaa

Well, one year older, none the wiser but always as cute.

LOVE BIG

Yes, the princess has been loveless for the past 3 years since the break up with the prince of sunset drive...

And she wonders why? especially, everytime she bumps into the prince with some "ugly" commoner in his arms......

No hard feelings though... But the princess cant help but ask:" What is wrong with me?"

"Looking for love at all the wrong places???"

"Setting the targets too high?"

"Not looking hard enough???"

Last week, the princess, in a moment of desperation, decided to lower all expectations, sucumbing to conventional wisdom.......

"Maybe i am just not good enough for the guys that i am looking for.... Why would these rich, good looking, faithful and caring guys go for me..... U are just in your own fantasy..... And there are many young cuter competitions around...."

Well, the observation has a percentile of being 99.9% true as the princess observes the hunting grounds and the packs of brazen sluts around.....

This Week, the princess says fuck it.....

Love is not about statistics and probability!!! Love is not about falling into that 99.9% percentile!!! Love is about daring to dream big, love big and live big....... Love is a miracle waiting to happen!!

And the princess is willing to take this chance to wait for the miracle of her lifetime......

So this weekend, the princess and her close knitted sistas, shall head down to "HAVE FUN", waiting with anticipation.... for BIG LOVE, BIG DREAMS AND BIG LIFE!

Do you see the light?

Theresa told the princess late one night

"Frankly, i dun see a light at the end of the tunnel where i am heading to......

I am tired. and drained out. Sometimes, i think, the world is just too complicated for me. People can be so vindictive and vicious....

Just cant handle it."

And as if she was expecting something positive to come from me, Theresa paused.

But no words came out of my mouth. I couldnt.

My sentiments are the same.

The dead silence over the phone was awkward...

I wanted to say:

"Thats life, babe. Life is a bitch...
Some people are just like that...
and some tunnels are just roads to nowhere... no light, no heaven
You & I are just the poor souls who has taken the wrong, sad, pathetic path in life
Turn back while you still can, dear"


But i know she wouldnt take it... And i wasnt gonna spoil her day. So instead i told her that:

"Hang in there. Everything bad will all soon pass and you will see the light" (technically correct)

For me, i am going to turn my back right now on my sad and wrong pathetic path littered by sadder people i have seen........

A space for a Fembot princess

I have always wanted something like this..... a spacious area, modern and ultra light...... almost nothing...

A little cold and hard looking.....

THis is my dream space

I want to be a fembot staying in it...

I so love the architectural style featured in Wallpaper* - Architects Directory 2008

Its really amazing..... turning dreams into ideas, transforming complex concepts into reality.....

Everyone of them is an art piece in itself ....

The Jokers In our Life

Having watched 'the Dark Knight', the princess came out of the theatre, visibly disturbed and increasingly more aware......

Like in the show, there are the constant Jokers in our life trying to wreck havoc just to prove a point.....

The Jokers are usually disillusioned with their lifes' own imperfection or constantly under the impression that their current state of misery is inflicted by everyone else around (except themselves).

In turn, they love to create the same misery in others, so that we feel their pain...

In work or in life, these people are constantly attacking you, putting you down, manipulating your environment, trying all means to break you down...

Their goals (intentionally or not) is to make you become them..... just as sad and pathetic.....

And it is frustrating (like how Batman would have felt), you cant reason with them, you cant fight fist to fist with them.....as much as you want to or try... You cant seemed to win....

In a way, these Jokers are really "demented and tormented". Their only pleasure is in seeing the darkness of your heart surfacing....

Perhaps, the key to defeat them, is to believe in your own goodness more fervently, with conviction like never before....

Let the light shine through.....

As they always say, after the darkest of night is the coming of the dawn....

Bigger than big

In life, it seems, we all have been sold by the idea that everything needs to be bigger than big...

The world tallest skyscraper, the most exotic getaway, and the most romantic love affair.....

So often, we hear ourselves desiring that bigger house, bigger pay package that comes with a bigger view and lotsa lotsa big big parties...

It seemed that the only way to that sweet perfect life is being bigger than big....

Like Lady "V" commented, "They are so successful, these friends of ours, going to exclusive functions, knowing who's who in the industry & leading a jet-setting lifestyle.... Greece one day... Paris the next... "

People living on the very edge of the earth it seems... so happening...

Like the princess, sometimes, we all can get swept away by these meaningless comparisons....

And we so often forget that, ironically, the only thing bigger than big in life, are the small things.......

And as the princess discover one evening, after sessions and sessions of big party groups with glamourous people, that even in the smallest group of company, the non-extravagant location & the simplest of dishes;

You can always hear the most heart-felt conversation, have the most delicious dinner, and share that sincere, wholesome laugh, all without the pretence that your day was bigger than big.....

Born to be Porn

Every day, in X-tube, there are millions of people loading up their naked ambitions even as we speak.

Well, most are good but some are really totally totally bad.

But the thing that the princess just cannot understand is: "Is there really so many 'normal' people out there whom just love to show themselves?"

What is really the motivation behind this?

a) The adoration of many (including the princess of coz), getting hot and excited over their fabulous uploads?

b) The secret thrill that they get when engaging in such acts knowing that there would be many viewing them?

Seeing ordinary people living extraordinary lives of a pornstar wannabe is so surreal...

Just like straight porn actor pretending to be gay porn actors pretending to be straight. (or is it the other way round??? the princess just cant figure it out anymore!)

But whatever. After all, its show business.

And when there is so many of these common cute normal people out there in x-tube, one cant help but to express concerns at the state of our spiritual well-beings.

The princess finds herself (only very very occassionally) stuck in a rut in front of her laptop for hours wondering about the wonders of x-tube.

Where once people went into porn so that they get paid; We are now actually able to convince people to do porn for free for their own instant gratification.

Ever since the secret sex tapes of Paris or Pamela, it suddenly is so cool. It is as if people are just born to be porn.

And the princess is really reaping the benefit of the latest trend, every minute of it. Every single minute.

found?

Love, they say, is a miracle.

Indeed, it is....

I am so happy for you, big sis....

Love has finally come your way and i send my sweetest blessings a million miles across the world to you.

You must really tell me more about this fabulous guy.



luv,
princess

Thanks for what i couldnt have been

I am happy today..... very happy....

Why?

Because:

1) I may not be as sophisticated and know as many friends, but i am wise to know that a pure true heart never needs that many friends

2) I may not be as beautiful nor have a model-like face, but i know that i am confident to know that i am good enough

3) I may not be as happy, but i know that i would not have to tell a tale to hurt another or a lie to make me happy

4) I may not be as rich and abundant, but i know where the real wealth in life resides


For the many things that i had wished i could be but never had been, i believe there is a reason why.

And i say a thank to all the things that i could never be.

Two Sisters, One lucky Gal

The Williams sisters.....

The princess has gone from hating them to loving them both to bits....

So finally.....

Wimbledon 2008, Finals...... The Williams Sisters, Venus and Serena, head to head....

Both known for their sheer power and determination.

What a dream match this is..... :)

And the princess has finally proven Mahjong Queen wrong!!!! The princess is not a jinx on the players she supports......

See!!! Both of them are here. In the Finals!! Either way, the princess wins....

The princess is indeed one lucky charm, contrary to Mahjong Queen's belief


I should be so Lucky, lucky, lucky, lucky.......

Dirty Martini

Move Over, Cosmopolitan!

Get the hell out, Mojito!!

Every decent girl in the club should be seen with her Dirty Martinis...

Do it the plastic princess' way:

One hand on your Dirty Martini, another on your man's weenie

The surest way to your man's heart ;)

Another day, another trick.....


Luv,
The Plastic Princess

The flower blooms in June

The flowers are blooming nicely this summer, which is a surprise. Last year, they were a total mess. Not this year. They are very nice this year.

And against the window pane, as the sun shine through, with the light reflected on the translucent petals of the flowers, it is a picture perfect moment.

I sat on my couch motionless with a cup of hot tea in my hand. The mind was not anywhere but here in this moment. I was literally watching the flowers and feeling the warmth of the cup against my two petite palms.

"Such a lovely day" i said to myself. In fact, i had never enjoyed such a day for a long long while.

I walked across the room and picked up a book on the shelf and begin to read again. The book must have been left on the shelf forever, covered with dust. Apparently, it had never been read before.

"The flower blooms in June by Enite Dorothy" i read as i wiped away the dust from the cover.

"What an appropriate title" i thought to myself with a smile on my face.

"A woman in her late thirties re-discovering the joy in simple things in life. As she started the hobby of gardening, she saw her love blossoming as well - a new neighbour whom had just moved in from the city...." goes the sypnosis.

"When and why on earth did i buy the book for?" I asked myself, almost ashamed of myself for purchasing a book that is so blatantly made for the love-deprived, desperate middle age woman who craves for that glimmer of hope.

"I do not need this now" i thought to myself as i put the book right back to where it deserved to belong.

Up there, on the shelf, unwanted and totally not needed.

Well, now the tea gone cold & the flowers doesnt really seemed as picture perfect anymore.

Sigh.

Yes, the flowers had bloomed in June this year but is love really on the way?

The princess waits forlornly.

The Princess Gives It Up

I give up.

3 little words.... seemed so loser.... yet so empowering

Sometimes, in life, the key to having it all is to know when to let it all go.....

All of them, Let it go!

Suddenly, like a size zero super model, the princess feels so unbearably light... almost like a cotton-candy in the mouth of a hunky dory

The princess finds herself like a recipe from Nigella Lawson; Glamourous without the frills.....

Like the clear blue skies, as the birds fly by, the princess knows everything's gonna be all so fine.... :)

Baby baby, i stay in Love with you

Mariah, Mimi, Diva

Absolutely fabulous.....

She is really ridiculous but yet amazingly talented.....

Such a joy listening to her all the time.......

This song is a must-listen......




I really like her better after her divorce... As if all her repressed feelings suddenly flow out into her music and her songs.....








Yes, Mariah, i stay in love with you.

Back to Glamourhood

So weeks ago, YSL passed away, old & frittered.....

And Naomi got busted again for throwing her hissy fits in UK.......

Sexy Serbian Tennis star Ana Ivanovic won her first Grand Slam........

And the princess? She clipped her fingernails last monday night.......

"What the f@#k is happening???"

It just seems that so much is happening around the world while the princess is doing her mandane tasks of mopping the floor, working her ass off and making the bed.....

I mean, i witnessed Hillary's presidential race faltered while i was wiping the table top. How sad can life be?

How did my life ended up to be that of a single desperate housewife? I had always wanted to be THE

1) Ill-fated fashion designer that passed away, killed in some back alley
2) Hot supermodel that graced the runway of Milan
3) Sexy tennis star feeling the grass of wimbledon

Perhaps, a little closer to reality...... I could have been
1) The next Paula Abdul for AMerican Idol
2) Donald Trump's new hot sexy Apprentice
3) A gay icon sex columnist
or as Madonna puts it nicely.... "on a cover of a magazine"

I guess, i could have sidetracked alittle along the way to glamourhood.... But its not too late..... Nothing is too late... Never say never. I will just pick up the pieces, dust the burdens of my back, and strut back to glamourhood from here on......

At the end of the day, if all else fails.... I just settle for a nice man to hold on to....

Definitely Maybe

Is romanticism still very much alive and kicking?

Definitely, maybe.

















Sometimes, it is so difficult to fall in love ...... Not to even mention, falling in love with the right person... It almost seemed impossible....

I have often wondered, once a time ago, why people can be so jaded and bitter when it comes to love and relationship?

Doesnt anyone believe in that anymore??

But then again, can i really blame these people?

After all, in the show, Will Hayes (Ryan Reynolds), after two failed proposals, one very bad break-up and a marriage, he hasnt found real love still........

Ironically, love, only came to him, over a divorce.... after much heart breaks and so much missed opportunities....

It is no wonder people can get so jaded with love....

But again, who knows, the right one could just be standing in front of you.... after many bruises and battle scars..... just before you want to throw it all over and say that love does not matter to you anymore....

I was glad i made it to the show..... It had filled my heart with hope ... once again.... after so much fruitless attempts at romance had left me almost as jaded as the people i had felt sad for....

I truly believe Love will eventually come..... if not today, tomorrow or the day after......

Meanwhile, the princess truly hope that Sex & the City; Movie will be as inspirational and moving as Definitely, Maybe.....

Diary of a Male Model

Today I lost one of my closest friends. His name’s Edna.

I have known Edna for the longest time, close to 17 years, since we were in secondary school.

As all male model always say, I remember being a small sized, puny kid in my early teens- quite, shy and so ever studious. (Its all true!!)

Edna then, on the other hand, was part of the in-crowd, popular with both the boys and girls. (And i wonder why? Hmmmmmm.....) Maybe, he was active in various activities like dancing and debating…

I remember wanting to be popular like him.

Unlike some of the other classmates, Edna was kind enough to extend his friendship to me and although we weren’t the closest of friends back then, I appreciated his gesture. He was not only popular but kind.... One in a million... And i always remembered him...

A few years later, in my late teens I met Edna again in the army. Things were different now..... I had changed since then..

More confident now and taller than most in the crowd, I was already on my way to be Singapore Next Top Model (for male model, of course)!!!!

Anyway, back to the story:
I was surprised and delighted to see Edna again. Back then, I was still quite staunch in my Christian faith.

During those tough difficult days in the army, both physically and emotionally, Me and Edna would pray together and share meals while we were out in the field. Our bonds of friendship grew stronger and we would talk about everything under the sun/moon.

Those were some of the happiest times for me.

Some episodes and people in your life you will never forget, and this was one of those for me. I remember being disciplined by my Platoon Commander, early in my army years, by being made to do push ups in front of the entire platoon…
Although those punishments were really nothing much for me.. the hunky new Top model-to-be……(cause I must have done push ups a thousands more times than the punishments), Edna stood up for me and promptly scolded the Platoon Commander back…

However, We lost contact after that… for a few years…… until……..

The Singing Sirens

Before the princess became the princess, she was already famous for her role as one of the "Singing Sirens" in the camp of men.......

Sweet, breathy voice... (something like Britney) with a touch of innocence had always been a trademark of hers..... At the very peak of her popularity, she was billed "Faye Wong" of the battalion; An angelic voice in the sea of hoarse, coarse noise.....

And every star would have a Backer.....in those days...... The Plastic Princess had led a very privileged life under the protective wing of her man.... (Pretty much like the geishas in the past...., Each with our strict code of conduct!)

I can still remember the times when the Princess and her fellow virgin maidens gather in the still of the night waiting for the last call of her man before she gets sent off to bed..... Training hard and practising their skills....

One last song for the boys..... they always say.....

THose were the days.....

Though now we have each gone our own seperate ways... the Singing Sirens will never forget.... the songs that they sung... the men that they had.... & the bonds that they made......

Chocolat - whats ur flava, sista?

Do you like your chocolat, white..? milk?.... or simply dark??? THe one-half sista of Avalon asked the princess out of the blue one day over a lavish dinner....

ANd the princess was dumbfounded for a while.....

These days, the princess find herself leaning alittle bit towards the dark side when it comes to chocolat...... without herself consciously knowing it....

Could it be age catching up and exposing you to the finer things in life, i asked myself?? or just the urge to try something else other than the usual suspects..... But whatever, it is really no big deal whether its white, milk or dark chocolat for the princess....

It has come a point in time when the princess is just simply grateful to have a little piece of chocolate in her mouth..... Yum Yum......

Anyway, nowadays, with the wide variety of assortments of different flavours and fillings going around, it is never as simple as it seems. Just like what Forrest Gump once famously said.... "Life is like a box of chocolate, you never know what you gonna get...."

And Its true.....

Because just as the Princess and the Avalon Sista was deep into our profound conversation on chocolat, the princess' sharp bright eyes had spied the high priestess of architectural style eyeing on some milky brown chocolat on the shelves; not paying attention to us at all!!!

Horrors of horrors...!!!! The traditional high priestess of architectural style actually had a secret desire for milk chocolate; going against her traditionistical view that a fair lady should always have her chocolate, well.... hmmmm.... fair as well?

Realising her boo-boo, the high priestess quickly join in the conversation ..... " I like chocolat of every kind....!"

Hmmmm....... For Better or worse, liking chocolat of every kind??

And then Avalon Sista quickly interrupted: "As long as chocolat is just freshly out from hot factory, it is will be just right for moi!"

Well, for the down-to-earth and mass appeal Plastic Princess, she just love her chocolat with lotsa lotsa of nuts no matter whats the flava.....

Signing off,
Yours deliciously,
Princess P

Why Should I Be Sad?

Heaven knows….

It's time for me to move along (Goodbye)
It's time for me to get it on (OK)
I'm tired of singing sad songs (All right)
It's time for me (Princess, let's go)

Britney Spears Why Should I Be Sad lyrics

I like this song..... ,in fact, the whole album. But, especially this, this song is just so sorry for Britney....

As if a form of rationalisation on her downfall, her wrong choice of men and everything else...... and how that it has reached rock bottom.

Yet, still, it is a little defiant on how it is not her fault on the way things had turned out and why should she bear the brunt of it all....

And i like that.....

I mean, seriously, why should anyone be sad when
A) its our actions that had resulted most of our predicaments
B) the situation is really not within our control...

So, i still still love Britney for being flawed, vulnerable and yet so wise and shrewd at the same time.......

The next time when the princess is on the verge of falling into dispair on not finding that perfect man and screwing that "all so important project"......

I will tell myself....

"Why should i be sad?"

The Xian Gu Chronicles – Attaining Immortality

THe second piece from the sista of Avalon....

Shui Xian is still grieving over the fact that she and Ong Lai has been sent to different sects. Shui Xian is in Yi Dao Sect while Ong Lai is in Si Dao sect. Everyday, Shui Xian could only dream and think of Ong Lai. In Ji Feng mountain, Yi dao sect, Shui Xian began to know more and more people.

All these people (including moi), just like Shui Xian are here at Ji Feng mountain hoping to become an immortal one day. There is Lazy Mu Dan who does nothing but to laze around and flaunt her yoga poses, there is moi, who does nothing but to scold vulgarities, there is Ma Lian Jian Ren who does nothing but to write scandalous diary, there is expensive apple who does nothing but sound nasal and finally there is Plastic Princess who tried to rival Shui Xian and does nothing but being plastic…

Even though there are so many of us accompanying Shui Xian in her path to immortality, she is still not happy as she is missing Ong Lai a lot. Shui Xian became really depressed and as a result couldn’t concentrate on studying Dao and made a lot of mistakes along the way. Eventually, she was punished by the head master of Yi Dao Sect, Mok Gui Dao Zhang and was made to stay behind at Ji feng mountain while the rest of us were allowed to go down the mountain to see our relatives.

I still remember clearly on that day while we were walking down the mountain, Shui Xian was blasting a song. A song from Madonna called ‘You’ll See’….. It goes like that: “All by myself, I don’t need anyone at all, I know I’ll survive, I know I’ll stay alive”…

Just when Shui xian was at her lowest point, an aspiring peranakan actor appeared and joins the Yi Dao Sect as well. The appearance of this aspiring actor certainly brought some light into Shui Xian’s life. This aspiring actor just loves to act and he acts so much that Shui Xian started to develop feelings for him.

Time and time again, Shui Xian confided in me, telling me how much this aspiring peranakan actor looks like another rather famous peranakan actor, Pierre Png. Eventually, Shui Xian managed to get what she wants and befriended this aspiring peranakan actor. They became such close friends and day in day out, they will practise Dao together so that they can become Xian Zi faster than anyone of us.

Time pass by faster than anyone could imagine.. It’s time for Shui Xian to go through her last trial and tribulation in Ji feng mountain before she could become an immortal. During one of the night exercise to practise our ability to shoot down the demons with our ‘Fa bao’, Shui Xian was made to go through her last trial and tribulation. I still remember it was late in the nite as Mok Gui Dao Zhang made us stayed up late into the nite. Shui Xian started to feel bored and thought she should start practicing what she is best at doing….

Public Relation… (In short PR).

She spotted a stranger who looks rather cute and went to the stranger, tried to start a conversation asking him which boot camp he was from. The stranger gave a one word answer and ignored Shui Xian thereafter. Shui Xian was fuming mad and vowed to add this stranger into her black book. When she decided on that, she started to float and a white light shone on her from above and then all of us heard heavenly father speaking.

This is what he told shui xian: “Shui Xian, congratulations, you have successfully gone through 77 49 trials and tribulations. Your last trial has determined the Xian that you are going to turn into. I hereby declare you Shui Xian as the Xian Gu of Black book.” Thereafter, Shui Xian floated up to the sky to the heavenly father to receive her decree from him…

The Xian Gu Chronicles - The Early Days

Brought to you from the Sista of Avalon:

Long long ago in the small town of Huang Pu lives a young sweet girl who aspires to be an immortal. When she was born, her mother gave her the name ShuiXian as she is as pretty as the Water Lily flower.When Shui Xian reached the age of 13, she decided togo up the hill and learn the skill of immortality withthe monks. As the Monk's hill monastery only take inmonks, Shui Xian decided to disguise herself as a man so that she could fulfill her dream of becoming animmortal. Shui Xian went through a grueling 4 years at the monk's hill monastery, working really hard to achieve her dream.

Just when she thought that she was near her dream, she was discovered by her fellow monks that she is actually a Huang Hua Da Gui Nu. Upon learning that, the grand master of the monastery expelled Shui Xian and wanted to take away all the magic which she had learned for the past 4 years. ShuiXian was devastated and pleaded with the Grand Master to let her fulfill her dream. The kind hearted GrandMaster could not bring himself to shatter her dreams, Hence, he told Shui Xian that if she really want to become an immortal, she has to go down the mountain to experience 77,49 trials and tribulations at AJ bootcamp and Ji Feng mountain. Left without a choice, ShuiXian agreed to it and made her way to Ji Feng mountain. While Shui Xian made her way down the mountain, she came across a handsome young man who set her heart-a-flutter.

Shui Xian thought to herself that if there is any man that she is going to marry, it has to be this young man. Hence, Shui Xian started to flirt withthis young man and found out that the young man, whosename is Ong Lai is also on his way to AJ boot camp.Shui Xian was elated on hearing that and started planning in her head on how she can seduce Ong Lai andeventually settle down with him. Shui Xian and Ong Lai eventually spent 2 years at AJ boot camp where they were tortured and beaten and there, they went through 48 trials and tribulations together.

During these 2 years, Shui Xian and Ong Lai have forged such a close friendship that they almost become an item. Ong Lai was extremely confused during that time by theandrogynous looking Shui Xian. All these while, OngLai thought that he is a true man and will eventually marry a girl of his dream but the appearance of ShuiXian has caused him to be confused about hissexuality. Just when Ong Lai thought that he is notgoing to be bothered by whether Shui Xian is a guy ora girl and was about to express his love for ShuiXian, they received a call from the heavenly fatherwho told them that it¡¯s time to go to Ji Feng mountain where Shui Xian will receive her last trialbefore she can become an immortal.

What really devastated Shui Xian is that though both of them aregoing to Ji Feng mountain, they will be in different sects. To Shui Xian, this is really a torture worse than the 48 Trials and Tribulations that she has gone through as Ong Lai is so near yet so far¡­

My name is Maggi

Or was her name Linda E or Grace Jones or Christy Turlington…?

Anyway, Maggi strikes terror in the heart of many army guys everytime she storms pass by... like Naomi Campbell on double quick time.......

Could it be that intimidating, towering figure of hers..... or that condescending look that sends shivers down your spine.... maybe it was her trademark sneer, perfected thru the years, rivalling Linda E's famous pout......

Maggi was anything but forgettable..... Her life was the stage...

She was the one who makes training in the toughest terrain looked as if she was posing for the cover spread of Victoria's Secrets…. Always a breeze, without a sweat.....

And famously demanded a million dollars or she would never get out of her Army Bunk Bed but then jumped right out of it at the very first sight of hot chicken wings.....

Always dishing out words of wisdom like mother hen to her broods...

She has so many facets that it is difficult to pin this very talented, always beautiful chameleon down to just one character.

One thing always stood strongly against the fickleness of the world; she was always resilient, determined and graceful under fire…. no matter what… (maybe except when she is hungry for food though)

Maggi, my good old sista, was really indeed a class of her own (just like the princess)….

Sometimes, I wished I was a little more like her…… Other times, I wonder what it must have been to be her, living up to all the hype and expectations…

But most times, the princess just wanna laugh with her like the old good times...

Love at Midnight in the Tank

They say, in a cold, hard & lonely place, like the Army camp, it is always easy to seek solace in the arms of another.

But that’s just physical comfort, nothing more…..

But love grows on you, sometimes….. Loneliness, insecurities & aimlessness of life feeds you with that yearning to belong…..

The plastic princess can still remember:

He was a man of few words, the rebellious silent type with the ever intense look in his eyes; always brooding as if he had a secret burden that was hurting so deep inside - a secret burden waiting to be lifted up by the right pair of loving hands.

The princess was, on the other hand, cheery and chirpy, never a care; always carrying a sweet smile on her face as if blessed with the easy contentment of life.

We were two worlds apart, never meant to meet. He in his darkest dungeon, alone and aloof. I was in the rose petal gardens, smelling the flowers.

Yet away from the maddening crowd, in the cold still of the night, is when the feeling grows the strongest yet…… two different people, both seeking to belong

And that very night our bodies first touched. The warmth of his chest against my back; His beating heart had fused with mine as we get intertwined.

It was nothing of the ravage craze that was driven by smell of flesh or lures of physical satisfaction. Instead, it was a sense of two souls trying to seek meaning that very night as their naked bodies seek the warmth of each other.

Both of us were as confused with what was happening as we were silently contented with it as well. As we turned and glazed into each other’s eyes, we must have felt it deep inside; this moment in time will always be etched in our hearts.

Who would have thought that the cold steel body of the army tank could hold so much passion & love inside?

Sometimes, love is that beautiful moment of needing to belong.

The Horses Mouth

Mdm Horse, quite the expert at mouth-f3cking, had always seemed to be the dark horse in the competition of popularity in the crowded camp of men.....

Perhaps, she was neither the ones who would charm men with her looks nor the ones who could kill men with her charms..... In the league of the original supermodels, she was never quite up there......

Until one fateful day, i can still vividly remember, when her little black book was stolen from her drawers, and read aloud by the two sistas of Avalon...

Though even til now, we are still not quite sure if the book depicts accurate narration or was merely a work of pure fantasy, the camp sistas were captivated by the torrid physical love affair between her and her well-endowed man...... A series of explicit description of sessions left nothing to the imagination (especially with the clever edit and story telling skills of the two sistas of Avalon)

Almost an overnight sensation, Mdm Horse had became famously known as "The Mouth", earning top billing with "The Body" Elle Macherpson, "The Face" Christy Turlington, "The Charm" Helena Christensen & "The attitude" Naomi Campbell.

She was the "IT" girl of the month (and many months after)...... So it shows.... a natural talent and a lot of publicity can really go a long way......

The Army Memoirs

The princess can barely recall the date when she was enlisted to the army.... The memories had slowly faded away..... the good along with the bad.....

And after 10 over years of living with the hot-blooded brotherhood of men, toiling in sweat and tears with her men, the journey has finally came to an end...

The plastic princess cant help but ask herself:

"What have i learnt in the many years in camp?"
"What have i gained from it??"

Other than the occasional s@X, the regular ogling at cuties and the more often than not flirting with the guys...... Was there nothing else??

This chronicle follows the arduous journey of the glamorous princess from an innocent young gal to a disillusioned bitch at the end of her army life.

Along the way, her darkest secrets will be revealed, glimpse of her sweetest romance, broken promises and the unbelievable stories of her sistas ever to be told .......

An explosive tell-all never before.......

Watch out for:

The Army Chronicles :-
1) The horses mouth
2) Xian gu and her seven immortals
3) Love at midnight in the tank
4) My name is maggi
5) The singing sirens
6) Mushroom head of the evil sect
etc etc....

The Singapore Flyer Girl

What a wonderful pleasant feeling for the plastic princess standing so high up here on the Singapore Flyer.

Bright lights... brighter hopes........

From here, you can see & feel the hopes of the City...

To the left, the birth of the city's latest creation.... the Casino.... is slowing taking place. You can almost feel the allure of chance, glam & cold hard cash from way up here.... Nearby, rows and rows of high-end luxurious apartments have begun sprouting up too. Each higher than the previous ones, Each claiming the water-front view that justifies their heavenly price....

To the right, we see the ever-vibrant night sky lighted by the skyscapers of the Central Business District...... At this height, huge logos of the Multi-National Corporations shines brightly at you ... like the sirens of the night.

Up here at 165 metres above ground, one can really lose their sense of reality to the amazing scenery that so seduces us. There seemed to be a sense of euphoria; that everything is so dandy and fine..... A blurry mess but yet all so rosy nevertheless...


I guess sometimes life is like that...... You just got to bring yourself up to the highest level and rise to the challenges to see beyond your present state.

Everything seems so much better.... up here instead of down below even though its all the same in reality......

The Plastic Princess, a Singapore Flyer Girl,...... Living life sky high.......

2008 is beginning to be such a fabulous year.

Hot Trends 2008

In a flurry of activities, 2007 has almost come to an end. While a lot has happened during the year, it all seemed to be leading back to the same place where the princess started; as if I had been running in circles all this time.

Still, there are no signs of love & monetary success or that celebrity-supermodel-status that the princess had always been hoping for all these years.

And I thought 2007 could be the year that things were going to happen.

Apparently not. But, whatever!

Like a true-blue fashionista, the most important thing the princess can do is to do a Look-Back of 2007 and predict the hottest trends in 2008.

And the Plastic Princess’ Top Picks are:

1) The best relationship a woman can have, is with herself - Ex-original supermodel, Linda E of New York, quoted (from Sex and the City).

2) The Party is so OVER! There is life beyond endless partying

3) With friends like these, who needs enemies? Frenemies, can’t live with them, can’t live without them.

4) When the going gets tough, the tough gets back to basics. Simplicity is truly the key to happiness.

5) The best boyfriend one can ever have, might not need to be the richest, smartest or best-looking (and Frumpy housewife should know)

6) Live your life like a reality show. Dream big.

7) Sadly, inner beauty is over-rated. Sometimes, looking good is all it takes.

8) In the wave of green movement, recycled boyfriends could be the next “IT” thing.

9) Empowerment comes hand in hand with learning to let go.


AND…. The top trend in 2008 is………….

10) Femininity is the new black


Cheers,
Plastic Princess

Keeping Up with the Jones

Just a while ago, having a little blog seemed to be the latest fad in life. Now, the new darling of the moment appears to be the so-hip-it-bleeds: FaceBook.

The princess was so tempted to jump onto the glamorous bandwagon after numerous kind requests by friends to do so, hinting at the possibilities of hooking up with new eligible friends and re-making old acquaintances.

Somehow, the princess didn’t.

Perhaps, just the thought of the constant need to catch up with the latest fad had drained all enthusiasm off the princess.

These days, it just is so difficult to keep up with times and live up to expectations. Everything is going at such neckbreaking speed, people and connections are getting so complex by the minute.

Back at the ever-so-popular club the other night, the princess was seized by a sudden bout of panic attack in the middle of the body packed dance floor. Waves and waves of new faces came crashing in; each wave more beautiful than the one before.

Perfect bodies sculpted by hours in the gym, that youthful look not yet savaged by the time and the air of confidence that permeates as they gyrate across the floor. It seems, in a world so superficial; everyone is so hell-bent to be the best.

Suddenly, like her fellow teen sensations in Hollywood, down-spiralling into a life of mess and despair; the plastic princess finally begins to share their pain & pressures while trying to make her own choice: Join in the madness and keep up with the Jones or quietly step away from it all.

MIU MIU got a secret

The creative people at MIU MIU are really a bunch of fantastic freaks.... Its latest campaign featuring Lindsay L is absolutely mind blowing.

Trust them to turn someone so Mainstream-Ms-Popular like Lindsay L into an unknown indie girl-liked woman; staying true to the classic MIU MIU quirkiness in this SPRING/SUMMER 2007 campaign.

Lindsay comes across as Alice-In-Wonderland meets Brenda Starr in this campaign which is incredibly surreal & totally mystifying.


There is something so Vintage yet so contemporary about the latest series of ads that one cant just help but take another look at it.

This is a great step for Lindsay L. Ever the party girl whom is on the verge of steering out of control, she redeems herself 100% with this out-of-the world collaboration with MIU MIU.

For MIU MIU, whom had seldom engage the likes of mainstream celebrity to launch their collection, had demonstrated the ability to create such a buzz without banking on or be adversely affected by the notoriety of Lindsay L.

This is a hard act for anyone to achieve; MIU MIU definitely deserves huge credit for the creative success of this campaign.

The princess being both a MIU MIU and Lindsay L fan is really pleased with this fabulous campaign that is so refreshing and unexpected.

I am sure this is what is needed to give both fans and non-fans of the quirky fashion label and Lindsay L a whole new perspective.

Love Babe

Lady ‘V’ with her new found single status was quickly back to the dating scene, armed with her new-found freedom & a whole new philosophy when it comes to love.

However, just weeks into the dating arena, she has already declared the scene, or the lack of it, officially over. O… V…. E… R…, over!

Over, over, over!

And the princess must agree. These days there isn’t seemed to be a man good enough for the eligible princess and her dear Lady ‘V’.

In a drought like this, we rather be sipping coffee at the hippest fashion café in town, discussing about love, rather than finding it.

Turning all philosophical again, Lady ‘V’ waxed: “Love is like couture, if it doesn’t fit exactly, it can be a disaster.”

Just when the princess wonders if a break-up can do miracles to a lady’s IQ, Lady ‘V’ confessed: “it’s from Sex & the City”.

Nonchalantly, she continued with her new theory of what kind of man gets attracted to what kind of woman, citing real-life examples to substantiate her points; getting the princess all excited about dating and finding love again.

Suddenly, the both of us seem raring to try out Lady ‘V’s new theory of love on innocent, hapless victims.

I guess, just like all these renewed concerns & fears on global warming, sometimes, all it takes is a whole new theory to ignite the old passion again.

Ms VP - Trilogy - the 2nd part (Poke Chop Lice)

While I was waiting at the traffic junction between Beach road and SUNTEC, a aunty Ah
Lian, took out her ringing bling bling phone and answered. The moment she said Hello, I could almost at once picture myself whipping out my ”Certified True Ah
Lian” chop and chop it all over her face.

Anyway, this Ah Lian Aunty was talking to her equally Ah lian friend over the phone and I guess they must be talking about where to lunch and Ah Lian Aunty immediately
suggested the bery nice POKE CHOP LICE at the Shaw Tower food court. Upon hearing that, I started getting bitchy and scrutinized her conversation and I counted
how many times she mentioned Poke Chop Lice…. A grand total of 5 times. Imagine the agony I had to go through while waiting for the light to turn green. I had to subject myself to those totally absurd pronunciations. What does she want to Poke?? The Chop or the Lice?

In any case, she can’t poke cos she has no LJ, she only has a smelly CB that can be poked by Fat Lift Bastard “Golden Penis Award”.

Sometimes, I just don’t understand why people do not make the little effort to ensure that the words they speak sound right before they blurt it out of their CB
mouth. Another classic example of mispronounced word is COUPON… There are many ways of pronouncing this word. Coupun, Copon, Copun and the worst of all.
Kapun.

What the hell are those??

Only idiots who mouthed them will understand what they mean. Well, I guess sometimes the word is just too funny to be pronounced correctly by everyone. Another word that
can have many different versions of pronouncing is POKEMON. There are people who pronounce it as Pokimon, some pronounce as Pogaymon, others call it Pokaymun.
While Ms VP prefers to call it Poke-it-moan. Can you imagine how cool the toys or cartoon will be?? They are small little pets which you keep and instead of
releasing them from the ball for the battles, you poke it and it will moan. Each one has different ways to moan and whoever moans the most Sluttish will be crown the Poke-it-moan king.

Ok ok, guess VP is tired and it’s time for bed. So much for now and I will return with more.

Why every gal thinks she is Carrie Bradshaw?

It is amazing that every gal whom seemed to be suffering from a bout of love trouble inevitably thinks she is in a ‘Carrie Bradshaw’ situation.

“I can so relate to her”

“Me and my bf are so like Carrie and Mr Big…”

“Remember the episode on…., that was me!”

I guess when you are feeling low & down, the best thing that you can do is to romanticising your problems, make yourself the leading actress of your world.

And if that takes a little pain off your shoulders and gives you a little hope at the end of the day, why not?

After all, Carrie Bradshaw did finally snag her Mr Big after six seasons of on-off-on-off relationships.

But the funny thing is, no one wants to be Miranda...and I wonder why.

She has a good career, a good family and a good husband. Isn’t this what every woman wants? Maybe it is because of her lack of dress sense, the lack of designer shoes or the serious lack of a bunch of romantically failed relationships with hot hunky men.

And so my nagging suspicion is that, like Carrie Bradshaw, when it comes to failed relationships and personal dramas, sometimes we are subconsciously just asking for it…..




Love,
Princess Carrie Bradshaw

The Lift Bitch / Lift Bastard

Presenting.... Celebrity Writer, Ms Vuglar Penis's latest piece of crude work..., Enjoy

Ok ok, I know I have been missing for sometime and I am sure some of you guys miss me. The fabulous Ms VP. But I can’t help it, it’s tough dealing with the animals at ‘The Other Zoo’ in Singapore. Everyday is a struggle for me to stay alive.

Well, I am gonna talk about the lift bitch/lift bastard today. I am sure some or even all of you who works or stay in high rise building would have experience the Lift Bitch/Lift Bastard (now on known as (LB)2). From Afar, even before boarding the lift, you would have noticed the(LB)2 . They will walk towards the lifts with folded
arms or clutching their IPOD/ Walkman/Handphone as if they are holding on to their “Golden Penis award”.

When the lift finally arrives, the (LB)2 will be one of the first to rush into the lift and stand next to the lift buttons panel. They will block every one from pressing the lift buttons with their boobs/tummy and will be rooted there till they reach their floor. Along the way, when the lift opens on other floors for others to get down, the (LB)2 will just stand there, rooted, continue holding on to their “Golden Penis Award” and not pressing the close button door when people alighted. They behave as if they are regurgitating their acceptance speech in their head for their “golden Penis Award”. This will conitinue all the way until they reach their floor. It’s like they are expecting others to press through their
boobies or fat tummy when they are standing right next to the panel blocking every one.

I always feel that there should be a “Special Operation Squard” to catch these (LB)2. Once spotted, the SOS will hand cuffed these (LB)2, take them to their special Headquarter, open up their head and insert a microchip into their head. The next time these (LB)2 take the lift and continue to clutch on to their “Golden Penis Award”,they would involuntarily collapse to the floor, take off their skirt/pants and start inserting the “Golden Penis Award” into their asshole. This will certainly
teach them what it means by “Pain in the ass” and that will definitely remind them to not be a “Pain in the ass” for their future Lift trips.


Sincerely
VP

Dying Ants

It was one of those unfortunate times.

The princess accidentally discovered a family of ants (all hundreds of them) hidden in the depth of her desk and she freaked out. At the split moment, she brutally massacred them without a second thought. Moments later, seeing them struggled with life under the poisonous spray of insecticide, the princess was somehow overwhelmed with guilt and fear.

I wondered if taking hundreds of life was going to cause irreparable damage to my karma so early in the new year? Can countless times of good work be offset by a single act of evil? Would these ants reincarnated and haunt me in their next life and when I sleep at night?

Then the princess begins to ponder over the fate and lives of these tiny creatures. Do they ever question if life holds a greater purpose for them other than working all day? Have they ever felt that they are a bunch of meaningless creatures just living in the world only to be sprayed and killed at the end of the day? Do they ever compare and complain about how fat or ugly they look in comparison? And how the rich ants get richer and the poor gets poorer?

Maybe they are just happy to die and be free from their troubles.

With that thought, the princess gingerly sweeps their remains off the desk and into bin before she says a little prayer and moves on with her life.

Perhaps, this is a reminder to the princess that life is usually brutally unfair most of the time, no one is indisposable and the world moves on with or without you in it.

The Perfect Year

2007, what a beautiful year!

After a rushed and turbulent 2006, the princess feels that things must be looking up in the New Year.

Emerging wiser and much more beautiful from taking all that shit in the past year, the princess feels totally equipped to breeze through this year with total grace and glamor.

And her only resolution this year is to be a dynamic woman using 10 time-tested tricks up her sleeve:
1) Always dress in power suit and 4” heels;
2) Never smile, only purse the lips if really required;
3) Eludes that dangerous confident sex appeal 24/7;
4) Be always ready to bark at the less efficient minions around;
5) Be condescending;
6) Stride like Naomi Campbell every time;
7) Demand only the best;
8) Get a successful man, failing which, get a toy boy;
9) Behaves like you know everything; and
10) Moisturise, Moisturise, Moisturise.

So, cheers to 2007!

New year, New hope, New princess.

And that magical Feeling is gone

After a long hiatus off the clubbing scene, the princess returns with much anticipation last weekend. The moment she steps into that same old place, she sensed a feeling of excitement all over again.

But as soon as the princess turns her head around the dance floor, it suddenly becomes almost too familiar. The same old crowd in and out, dancing to the music that now cannot be distinguished one from another.

Same smile, same expression, same decor, same one-of-a-kind men.

In that one instance, all the magical feeling that you have about a place, a notion, a person disappears into thin air. And awkwardly, in the middle of the club, the princess was left stranded, void of emotions, wandering where they have all gone to.

Yet, strangely, there was a certain sense of relief.

As if my eyes were cursed by a non-clubber's spell, the princess could not see either the beauty or the charm of the night-life for the rest of the night.

This time, she was an outsider in a place she calls home.

And as my cab drove further away from the club that night on my way home, the princess wonders: "Can one really lose that magic moment overnight?"

Perhaps in a world, sadly, built on hype & freshness, familarity can sometimes truly breeds contempt.

The Single Gal

The princess often lament at her forever single status. She looks at happily attached couples and wonders if she too could be like them.

But then of course, the sharp-eyed princess realises that most seemingly happily attached couples are often in some sham relationship, under the pretence of joy that should come in a relationship.

And the princess wonders why one has to turn a blind eye to the obvious cheatings that must have taken place a million times. Or the right-in-your-face incompatibility a couple is in, trying to pretend everything is fine and well in the name of love.

Is it blind faith, simple ignorance or the fact that any bird in the hand is worth two in the bushes?

As we progressed well into the new millennium, how much of our irrational fears still clings with us? Why should ladies questioned themselves on their abilities to find a better man unless they do not even think highly of their own self-worth?

Why a lady of today would think a man would make her life much better than before and not the other way round?

Sometimes the princess wonders is it more pathetic to be a singleton in today's world and a today's attached woman trapped in yesterday's mentality.

The Eyes Are Alive!!

Ms Tyra Banks was furiously scolding the models, once again, in the America Next Top Model, for not having expressive eyes. She then went on to demonstrate her perfect “eyes-that-smile” look without moving the mouth.

Immediately, the princess got hold of a mirror and start looking at her soulless eyes that had been drained of all its enthusiasm and smiles. The princess’s eyes were a sad reflection of their past glories.

In her heyday, the princess also had her signature eye. I call them the “Bambi Doe-Eye”.

This is a very very difficult expression to master. Inherently, you need a pair of pearly round eyes. If not, you are out!!

And it cannot be 2- dimensional, it has to be textured, something mysterious in the form of innocent eyes.

Over the years, the princess perfected the art of seduction through her innocence doe-eyes, proving to all that innocence can be sensual too.

And my killer move? The interview doe-eyed look which always gets me the job!

This is a slight variation of the seduction doe-eye look; just a subtle smile in the eyes and less of a slut.

But I guess, to the untrained eyes, the princess would just be like Zoolander doing his different poses.

No matter, the only celebrity that perhaps could challenge the princess would have to be Britney Spears.

And if Britney is making her comeback after a disastrous marriage, so can the princess & her eyes.

Move Over, Ms Tyra! Make space for the Princess!

So Now GoodBye

The princess often wonders what happens when you realised that two of us are not the same. Would you harden your heart to say goodbye or try to make things work out through compromise?

Can love still work if the things we want are different? And what is the common ground to stay together?

When it is love so hard, is it still called love? Or have I stayed for way too long?

And I (breaks into a song),

Remember when I saw you for the first time
I never thought you'd be mine
Then we went ahead and fell in love
Heaven was a common ground
We were never coming down
The two of us we had more than enough
You and I are not the same
To you love is just a game
Things will never be the same again

So now goodbye
This time I will be gone goodbye
Stayed for way too long
Started out with trust
But it isn't just about the good times baby

Remember all the promises we swore to
Can't say I didn't warn you
How I did adore you way back then (I did adore you adore you)
Ohhhhh
But you broke a solemn vow
Ha! you're paying for it now
Wouldn't you expect more from a friend
You and I are not the same
To you love is just a game
Things will never be the same again

So now goodbye
This time I will be gone goodbye
I stayed for way too long
I don't need you now
And I am oh so tired of excuses baby

Goodbye
Goodbye
Goodbye
Goodbye

This time will be gone goodbye
Stayed for way to long this time
It all started out with trust
But it isn't about the good times baby

(Kylie)

So Goodbye, my dear. For the last time.

The Socialite

Barely even a month at her new workplace, the princess is already well-known for her expensive taste and elegant class. And so, it would only seem natural that she be tasked to be in charge of the department’s next celebratory event.

Ever the socialite-at-heart, she decided that her Martha Stewart-meets-Donnatella Versace theme could be an instant hit where outrageous fashion makes peace with motherly family feast.

Then, came the shocker: It’s a ten-dollar per head budget.

I mean, come on, even a commoner’s caterer wouldn’t get out of bed for this kind of petty fee.

This is an impossible task for the impeccable princess. Immediately, the princess went from high class to low class disgracefully; choosing the most convenient caterer at the office cafeteria (whose food is well-known to be, well, unexciting and at times, inedible) – that’s why they do it for ten bucks!

Another shocker came three days later at the event itself, and it goes like this:
“The fish cake is too Salty!”
“The noodle is too Blend!”
“Where is the chicken in the Chicken Pie?!”
“Is that all?”

I mean, the princess knew that this was going to be a thankless task but I am sure that the people must know that this is the quality that ten dollar can buy.

So it goes to show, in life, some beggars can be choosers and princess can be losers.

And lesson learnt is never agree to anything (even to a relationship) until the price is right!

Lady Elephant (by Celebrity Writer - Ms Vulgar)

( Ms Vulgar second entry in Plastic Princess's blog..... As the blog princess, i have graciously publish Ms Vulgar Penis' unedited work of bizzare imagination. )


It’s been a long time since VP made her debut on plastic’s blog.

Guess what, I’m back again. After paris and bali, I am back to tell the story of the other zoo in Singapore. I am sure all of you who stay in Singapore have been to the Singapore zoological garden at Mandai road but I’m sure most of you have not been to the one that I work in, at orchard road.

This zoo is made up of just a few animals but all really ferocious and ready to bite anytime. In this zoo, you can find the lady elephant, the scaredy mouse, the butterfly, the lady pig and the mother hen.

Day in day out, VP has to take care of all these animals in the zoo to make sure that they do not fight with each other but sometimes, they get so ferocious that they fight with VP too. That’s when my NBCB, CCB, SFB will come out silently in my heart.

I guess among all the animals in this zoo, the one that I can’t stand most is lady elephant. Let me elaborate more on lady elephant…. Lady elephant is ….. HUGE for a lady.

No, she is not fat but just huge.

She often thinks she is the most stylish animal in the office but in actual fact she is not as she walks like a gangster and behave like one.

Lady elephant doesn’t like Singapore men as she complained that they are too small size. She however, particularly like Korean, Japanese and Caucasians. At times, when she complained about Singaporean men being too small, I just feel like telling her that it should be the other way round, she is too big for Singaporean men. It reminds me of Sex in the city when Samantha complained about the size of James’ LJ. James rebutted that she has a big CB.

That was hilarious.

Lady elephant was in Paris with me as I brought her along for the freak show that took place once a year in Europe. She however is a disappointment, not only did she not get the champion for the freak show, she was running around Paris flaunting her big CB to all the ang mohs there. It seems like she can’t live or dine without ang mohs as she will insist on looking for ang mohs during meal time and would pull a long face if there is no ang moh to dine with her.

I guess I have written enough about lady elephant. More to come as the days go by.

In the meantime, I better standby some salt in the office in the event that lady elephant’s CB gets too itchy due to a lack of ang moh here, I can stuff the salt into her CB to stop the itch.

Princess Feng Shui

The princess is a firm believer of Feng Shui, even at the expense of breaking her neck with heaps and heaps of crystal pendants ever known to man.

She is a conservative lady at heart, steep in traditional practices and values; trying to fit into modern demands of the world by infusing ancient wisdom into daily living.

In her office, she arranges her furniture and decors strictly in accordance to the Bagua arrangement.

And after the whirlwind shifting of the office equipments, she was finally pleased with herself; Even though now the stationary table is miles away from me and the files are not within the reach of my petite arms.

But no matter the inconvenience, the princess endures as she believes

Love will come,
Career will soar, and
Health and prosperity will rush to the princess

Now, with everything rightly put in place, the princess will just have to wait for her cute little fishes and the cheery potted flowers to help her snag the hunk of her life. :)

The Morning After

The princess wakes up the morning after, feeling tired and haggard, and she wonders inside her heart: “So, this is all there is to life?”

Day after day, week after week and year after year, the princess struggles to give meaning to her life, enriching it with love, money, career and a grand dream of the perfect life by following her heart.

She doesn’t want to be a fish spending its whole life in a bowl, meaningless and futile. She doesn’t want to be the numerous people she sees around her going through life lost and aimless.

Then, in a matrix-like vision gained somewhere between breakfast and dozing off back to sleep, the princess realises that life’s meaning is nothing but merely what we make of it.

The essence of life is in its everyday living, appreciating every moment. And as we constantly try to fill our lives with meanings, with cravings and desires, it distracts us from living it the more.

The princess hopes one day, she will wake up one morning after, free from the constant search for the meaning of life; only to smell the roses and the air, living each moment as it is there; appreciating life, with or without meaning to it.

Project Runaway Love

Things are never easy when it comes to love, as a dear friend of the princess just found out.

Having been on dates on and off for several months now, the poor friend of the princess often complain that she hadn’t the slightest idea what went wrong with each of the dates that were all going seemingly well.

And just like that, she will not be getting calls or response from the dates anymore without reasons…

At this point, the princess could not resist having this very inappropriate thought bubble in my head. I imagined myself as Heidi talking to her:

“You know what they say in Love, one day you are in, and the next day you are out!”

But the Princess does know how she feels. Sometimes, things are so unexplainable and there could be a billion reasons. Just like project runway, you will never understand why the worst of the lot remains in the game week after week.

At times, we just have to accept things as they are and let faith bring us through the difficult times.

And as what an optimist could say: “One day you are out, the next day you are in!”

Royal Destinies Fulfilled

The Queen left as fast as she came; leaving a trail of destruction along her way. It seems these days, there are more questions than answers, wherever part of the world you may be staying.

And in a year so filled with world-wide unrests and personal let-downs, there appears to be little cause for rejoicing at this short reunion in the heart of our tropical paradise.

Nearing the end of a year, the Princess wonders what’s in store for her in the coming year. She, and of course the Queen, cant help but wonder if the new year would bring new career highlights, a wonderful blissful love, good health, best friends and world peace at long last.

In the sea of uncertainties, would there finally be an answer which leads to a life of good old fashion love and kindness.

Being THE supermodels of the world, Plastic Princess & The Queen are never one whom would give up a good fight when we see one. So when our chips are down, our make-ups will be up.

Facing the world with new make-up, new hopes and new perspectives; Perhaps, there could really be a chance for our royal destinies to be fullfilled.